Bruce Springsteen - Drive All Night

Listen to the words of this beautiful and sensitive song from Bruce Springsteen recorded live in Sweden over the weekend. It's how every guy who ever cared about you thinks.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r8qpTL1wxGQ&feature=player_embedded#!

She's Not Coming Back

I know it. My friends know it. And she knows it. Yet, all I think about is the "what if" and "what could have been".  I'm tortured by it. Every day. From the moment I wake up it's my first thought. It's like nothing I've ever felt before. If I could purge the memories of her from my head I most certainly would. I need a Total Recall.

In general, I've found men never really get over a lost love. The saying "Women regret the ones they slept with and Men regret the ones they didn't" speaks more to the difficulty men have in letting go of a broken heart. I still think about the one who got away in college 20 years ago.  Finding a new love seems to be the only plausible solution, but of course, if it was as easy as snapping your fingers, then no one would ever dwell on unrequited love.

Somehow I've lucked into being with a few other women in the 2 1/2 years since, and while they satisfied in the moment, they were not this other girl. I did not nearly have the kind of connection with them or desire for them like I had with this other one. She was, by far, extraordinarily different over than anyone else I dated.  I fear she will always linger with me...never leaving my damaged psyche, much less escaping my heavy empty heart.  I'm beholden to her....her self-tormented prisoner.

What makes it especially hard is that I know this one was genuinely nuts about me. The way she looked at me, smiled at me, kissed me, touched me....ferociously inhaled me. I've been with enough women that have been "into" me to compare.  Keep in mind she asked me to give my mother a kiss for her after we had only seen each other 3 times.  And, I was, by and far and way, more attracted to her than anyone else previous.  Of course that plays a factor in my intense feelings too. I couldn't wait to wake up next to her, hold her in my arms, listen to her voice. Unfortunately, she also apparently felt this way about someone else too. Or at least had already established a much deeper connection with, even though our initial chemistry may have been stronger. Our type of connection just doesn't happen. And I've had some pretty remarkable instant connections with women.

For reasons I'll never completely understand, she chose to work through it with the other guy, rather than start something new with me. How she could simply ignore our chemistry and passion will always be  sadly inexplicable.  I never asked her to choose between us. She did so on her own. When she finally spoke to me about it she tried to tell me it was "bad timing" and if she had met me first we'd be dating. That did not lessen the sting of her ultimate rejection. And despite her cold fucking text that called us off and her repeated callous reactions after, I remain focused on her positive attributes. She was everything any guy would want in a woman...playful, smart, witty, intoxicating sexy and incredibly sexual. She was also controlling, manipulative, insensitive and selfish....qualities I wish would be the ones to affect me most.

Despite the fact that I know she doesn't give a shit about how I feel or how she made me feel, I'm still torn up over my entire experience with her. I can vividly recall every detail from when we first met until our last contact. It's as if it happened yesterday. After I first asked her out and she told me "we should definitely go out" I remember feeling so content...so on top of the world. It was as if all my hopes and dreams were answered and I could finally be happy.

Ever since she abruptly ended our brief affair my life itself has been in a downward spiral. And I'm at a loss on how to turn it around. Therapy? Drugs? Move to another world? One thing I do realize is this no longer has anything to do with her or how she may have teased me or how she handled getting rid of me....it's all on me. I'm the one who's been unable to deal with it.

The question everyone asks is, why has she had such a devastating impact on me? What was it about her? What is it about me? Am I too loving a person? Too sensitive? Too emotional? Too crazy?  Perhaps all of those things....but I also know there's got to be something more. 

Truth is I've never had the kind of relationship with a woman that I hoped to have with this one. And when you're 38 years old and that possibility suddenly, and prematurely vanishes, it's crushing. Within 5 minutes I've meeting her I wanted her to meet everyone I knew...including my parents.  I had never been more sure of anyone in my life. To then discover she may have never actually been the woman I thought she was...an angel, a dream, a promise of hope...it's the disappointment of not experiencing more of her that has far outweighed my reality spent with her. My fantasy is what's ruined me.

Writing about it in a number of these posts has mostly been therapeutic for me, and if nothing else, wildly entertaining for you; but it's no longer working. Nothing is.

I've thought for the longest time if I could just talk to her...ask her some still unanswered questions...maybe that would help. But she's never going to agree to that...nor could I ever truly trust her answers. How could I?

In the end, she's never going to be part of my solution. Nor is another woman for that matter. I'm the only one who can fix me. Now, if I only knew how.

She Makes Me Happy

Clinique asked 9 up-and-coming filmmakers to explore the question: What Makes You Happy? 

Here's what John Sinclair says about his video: "One night last year, I walked into one of my favorite bars and unexpectedly met the beautiful Sandra. We hit it off instantly and a month later I (nervously) asked her to join me on a trip to France I had planned. I bought a video camera for our French adventure and during that trip, was able to capture the moment I knew I wanted to ask her to marry me. I spent the next nine months, shooting a little here and little there; anything from the little moments we share together everyday to vacations and holidays. On our 1-year anniversary, I played her the short film I made on the roof of the Bowery Hotel in New York City...and asked her to marry me. She said yes."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JrFZx54dwqM&feature=relmfu

Watching this video makes me think of two things: 

1. The similarly randomly incredible instant connection I had that turned out to be not what I thought 

2. How come you never see videos like this from a woman?

In "Freedom at 21" Jack White asks, Do Women Care About How Men Feel?

See what Jack White thinks in his new Official Music Video for "Freedom at 21"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s92smjLq_38&feature=player_embedded

The clip below is from a Live Performance of the same song

Being "Tougher Than The Rest"

You really want to figure a guy out and understand us? Here it is. When a guy likes a woman all he wants is the chance to prove to her he's tougher than the rest. Yes, we want to sleep with you. No, we don't want it to be too difficult. Yes, we still want to hang out with our boys. But above everything else, we want to be tougher than the rest, for you. It's just that simple. I know on this blog I refer to Bruce Springsteen a lot, but when it comes to learning about how men think and feel, no one's better at telling it like it is than The Boss.

"Tougher Than The Rest" - LIVE

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dKc6KNXX5L4&feature=related

Official Music Video for "Tougher Than The Rest"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_91hNV6vuBY&feature=plcp

How Men and Women Differ on 6 Basic Needs

Despite our obvious differences most people like to say men and women are more alike than not, and that, in the end, we all want the same things. I'm going to easily debunk this assertion using the simplest of examples; our 6 basic needs.

1.  Food

Women wonder if it will make them fat;

Men wonder if it will satisfy their appetite.

2.  Water

Women wonder if it will make them bigger...as in bloated;

Men wonder about the shrinkage factor.

3.  Shelter

Women wonder if there's a big enough closet in there for both her clothes and her shoes;

Men wonder what's the cost/square foot of that shelter that will house said large closet.

4.  Clothing

Women wonder if will make them look fat (or hot);

Men wonder when women will take off their clothing.

5.  Oxygen

Women wonder what channel it is;

Men wonder if what happened in the film Total Recall with the air could really happen.

6.  Love

Women wonder if they will ever know true love;

Men love Beer, Sex, Balls, Dogs, Family Guy, The Three Stooges, ScarFace, Caddyshack, Rocky, Swingers, I Love You Man, Whazzzuppppp, Bull Durham, Animal House, The Sopranos,  The Man Show (the original with Jimmy Kimmel and Adam Carolla), American Chopper, Farting, Belching, Eating, Sleeping, Quiet, Cars, Their Mother, MILFS, Cougars, Strippers, Porn Stars, Playmates, Pets, Victoria's Secret Models, Hooters Waitresses, Cheerleaders, Smoking Cigars, Sports, Rock & Roll, Bill Clinton, David Letterman, Howard Stern, Bruce Springsteen (if you're a real man anyway), Gambling, All Tom Cruise movies (except maybe Vanilla Sky), Angelina Jolie, Angelina Jolie's lips, Redheads, Brunettes, Blondes, The Word "Pussy", Pussy, Fake Hair (just kidding), Real Breasts, Fake Breasts (not kidding, just so long as they still appear real), Big Asses, Small Asses, Long Hair, Straight Hair, Wavy but not quite Curly Hair, A little Hair, No Hair, Clean feet and toes (clean enough to touch and, taste...if you can't keep your feet clean we wonder about the rest of your parts), High Heeled Shoes, A Woman's Smile, Pie (any fruit kind will do), Cake (as long as it's cheese or ice cream), Meat, Potatoes, Meat & Potatoes, Art Museums (as long as there's naked photos, paintings or statues), Pumping Gas, Buzz Summer Road Trip 2012 on AT&T Uverse Cable because of the hot young perky host Nicole Dabeau (http://uverseonline.att.net/uverse/roadtrip2012), The World According to Henry (YouTube it), Being the Man, Being Silly, Being Stupid, Being Smart, Being Strong, Being Sexy and finally.....Pudding & Naps (the last two were for my friend Jeff Garlin...yes that Jeff Garlin).

Face it. We are different. We think differently. We act differently. We feel differently. It's time we all just embraced our fascinating differences...accept them....enjoy them...and stop trying to be like the other. Neither of us can change. Men will always be from Mars. Women will always be from Venus.