Just to be clear....

While all men think about sex all the time we think about plenty else too. But since sex consumes and dominates the male mind, naturally, women think that's ALL we think about.  Even as a monk I still think about sex a lot...not in the traditional sense of needing it, wanting it and craving it. More like...I can't believe how much time and energy I've wasted in my life devoted to needing it, wanting it and craving it. With all that said, here's some common things men say to women, and what they really mean....

•  "How's the boyfriend?" - Translation:  I hope things are shit, so I can finally have sex with you.

• "Your hair really looks great" - Translation:  I would love to run my hands through that while I have sex with you. Most guys will take it further and think, 'I can't wait to wreck that beautiful hair' (sexually speaking of course).

•  "You wear that dress well" - Translation:  I want to rip that dress off you and have sex with you.  This one also applies to "You look great in a T-shirt and Jeans" or "That looks great on you."

•  "Nice shoes" - Translation:  Nice breasts. or Nice ass.

•  "You have nice feet" - Translation: I want to suck your toes dry and lick the bottom of your foot clean...and then have sex with you.

•  "Wow. That's interesting." - Translation:  Damn. I wonder what she looks like naked, or if we've already been naked with you...Damn. I can't wait to get naked with her...again.

•   "Can I have your number?" - Translation:  Will you have sex with me?

•    "I'm sorry." - Translation:  Can we please have sex now? 

•   "You're a cool chick." - Translation: I think you might actually have sex with me.

•   "I want to get to know you better" - Translation: I want you to get to know me better, so you'll feel comfortable enough to get naked with me because I already know enough right now about you to get naked.

•   "We care about our job." - Translation: We care about our job that makes us money that helps us to meet women and get laid. 

•   "I love football." - Translation:  I really do love football, but you know what I love even more? Sex.

While all of the above is 100% non-fiction, men really are extraordinarily deeper than just thinking about sex. It's just hard to believe because we're SO into sex. But, if you're brave enough to continue reading, this blog explains it ALL.

Peace, Love, Hugs (& Hard-Ons),
The Naked Truther

Bartenders

Forget alcohol, is there anything more intoxicating than a hot bartender?  We're all suckers for bartenders. Why? Simple. They're typically friendly, attractive people who give us attention. It's easy to fall for that. Guys look at female bartenders from two perspectives. Either, we view them as untouchables because we know they are there only to do a job. Not to mention, every guy who walks into the place is going to hit on them. Or we view them as another approachable option.  Let's face it, we don't go to a bar to drink. We got to a bar to meet someone. Who cares if that someone is a customer or employee.  You can stay home and drink alone, like George Thorogood.

Personally, I can sit all night, drink and watch a bartender work and be very happy.  For whatever reason, my personality also attracts bartenders, or at the least, my personality allows me to engage and flirt with them.  I'll never forget a gorgeous red headed bartender in New York City from 10 years or so ago, who was appropriately named 'Amber'. We seemed to hit it off immediately and I knew from how she was smiling that it was more than just her job looking back at me. After that first encounter, I left town for awhile, and when I returned to the bar a month or so later, I was naturally wondering what kind of reaction I might receive.  My curiosity was answered as soon as she saw me approach. She gave me the most genuine, warm, welcoming smile a woman can offer. I've talked about this in a previous blog, but the way in which a woman looks at a guy, is her single most attractive quality. She even remembered exactly what I had ordered before. We continued to flirt many times after, as I kept coming back in, hoping to get her to go out with me. She never revealed she was dating someone, but I figured she was...this wasn't the type of girl who stays single. What bartender does?  At any rate, we finally did go out one night and it turned out to be the best date I'd ever had to that point in my life. We talked and kissed like we'd been dating for years.

One of the things that I took from that experience with Amber was to never discount chemistry and a connection, no matter the circumstance or context.  A few months ago I met another bartender here in Los Angeles, who I sensed a similar connection as the one I had with Amber. This one had just broken up with her boyfriend, maybe even that day.  I don't know for sure, but she made it clear she had no interest in going out with someone right now.  I asked her if she was attracted to me because I like to cut to the chase. Regular readers of this blog know I'm not one for games.  If she said 'Yes' then I would hang in there, give her space, time to get to know me, etc....if she said, 'No' then I'd just move on. Well, she said 'yes, but that she didn't like some comment I made about preferring the other bartender."  At the time I may have said that, I was just messing around with her. So, I thought maybe she was just messing around me. I pretty much dismissed her sass, and continued to show interest.

For the next few weeks I came back in once a week to see her. The days I went in became my favorite part of my week, every week. At the time, I don't know if she realized it but I was only specifically coming in to see her.  If you've followed this blog at all, you know I'm 90% monk. I don't date. I don't look for women.  I do, on occasion, leave open the door should I meet someone exceptional. This one seemed special. She was playful, sexy and liked Bruce Springsteen. What else do I need?  I didn't just want to have sex with her, she was the type of girl who I could date and have a lot of fun with. I told her I wanted to take her to a Springsteen show. If she only knew how much that meant I thought of her. By the way, the other bartender who works with her told me she thought "Springsteen is an idiot." So, of course I could never date her, but like Bruce and I, she is a Libra, so I could have sex with her.

Back to the one I really liked.  I went in one night with to ask her to go see Journey with me in Vegas and she was actually wearing a Journey shirt! That was weird. But I never did get to ask her that night cause she was having some drama or something, so I just handed her a note about the show. She shoved it in her pocket without reading it. Who knows if she ever did.

However, I still wasn't making any progress in getting her number.  Bartenders, much like strippers and waitresses tend to be a bit more cautious about dating customers.  It's probably because they've seen and heard from plenty of assholes on the job. I found out through a male friend of mine, who knew her before I started going in, that she had a boyfriend. I figured she probably just got back together with the previous guy. When I went back in to ask her, she told me it was, in fact, someone new. And that he just "swept her off her feet."  Well, while I was happy for her, it felt like a punch in the gut to me. I suddenly felt like an idiot for thinking we had any kind of real chemistry before.

So, now, of course it's awkward between us. I gave her my blog, hoping she would read it and see that I had been sincere in my interest and further understand that I wasn't just another asshole trying to pick her up. I doubt I'll go back in again to see her. While seeing her still puts a smile on my face, I no longer seem to put one on hers. Hey, it's not all bad. I've grown quite fond of this whole monking thing. It's better for the heart.

History

Please don't be discouraged or turned away by the lack of current posts. With more than 100 entries on this site covering a wide range of topics and issues, I'm sure there's plenty of content to satisfy....even as I'm fully aware satisfying a woman is no easy task.  

If you have any questions or curiosities, I'm still happy to answer them privately via email. Thanks for checking the site out. Happy hunting.

With nothing but love,
The Naked Truther

Great Expectations

If you don't have them...why even bother?

My Muse

At some point in every man's life a woman inspires him. A woman who lights his fire, strokes his creative forces and burns deep within his soul. While the relationship can turn physical, the foundation is always built from the mind forward. For better or worse, this woman engulfs and transforms his thoughts. This woman becomes his Muse. 

Picasso had Dora Maar. Andy Warhol had Edie Sedgwick, who also mused several rockers. Albert Brooks looked to Sharon Stone to be his in the movie, The Muse.  In recent TV, Californication's Hank Moody has his in true love Karen. Bridgitte Bardot inspired many a man in Film, TV and the Arts.

Women affect men in ways far greater ways than women can possibly understand or imagine. And this blog is no exception. While it's true that a number of different women have directly influenced and directed my writings, there's one woman who remains clearly in front of the rest in terms of inspiration and contemplation. She inspired a poem, parts of two TV Pilots, a feature length screenplay, endless chatter, and yes, this blog. 

With the face of an angel, the body of a goddess, the heart of an Eskimo...and the soul of a fire crotch breathing dragon...originally from Chicago (a city I love), she's deeply affected me in ways no other woman has or will again. I'm a different man because of her...for better or worse. I'm still not sure. Regardless, she's served a purpose; she's been my extraordinary enlightening Muse for the last three and a half years. Not a day has gone by that I have not thought of her. I can't imagine a day where I don't think of her. I've finally come to accept what I've already known for 20 plus years: The pursuit of women for purposes of dating and loving is not healthy, for me. Hopefully, I'll spend my remaining years going after things that only make me happy and healthy.

It seems appropriate to mark my 100th blog entry with my former Muse's direct presence. As such, I am closing the book on her as my eternal enchanting, enigmatic, maddening Muse of a woman. And with that, no longer will I write any more Naked Truths. I'm all mused out. This is it. Thanks for reading and participating all that you have these last couple of years. I hope some of what you've seen here has been helpful, enjoyable and perhaps, inspiring.  May you only travel down paths that lead to fulfillment. I leave you with, what else? A quote from my one and only, bromantic Muse, Bruce Springsteen.

"Once I was your treasure, and I saw your face in every star"
Back In Your Arms (1988)

And what the hell...since this is my last entry....you might as well as have a look at the two curiously varied Bi-Polar faces of my singular most important feminine Muse, that just may have, in fact, hailed straight from the Garden of Eden. The first face below represents the woman who kissed me like my tongue was the best thing she ever put in her mouth. The second face perfectly captures the woman who acted like that kiss never happened...or mattered. In retrospect, I guess I should have paid more attention to a short film she wrote,  produced and starred in, that featured her Dad falling on a large nail that pierced his skull and killed him. 

Nevertheless, I wish you all the best, including my once, but not forgotten, Muse. L'Chiam.

Love,

Your Naked Truther

Why Are We Still Here?

A couple of years ago I came across a website called "whyareyoustillhere" which had me immediately wondering, 'What man or men could have possibly inspired such a sensational creation?' And then I quickly realized, ME!...I was the reason this site was created. You think I'm joking, but I'm not. The site asked women to submit stories that showed men still hanging around or communicating when it was clearly "over." It appears the website has since been taken down, but nevertheless, it brings up a worthwhile discussion.

When I shared this female driven and directed site with other men they all remarked in the same way. They all questioned, Why would a woman be so disturbed by attention....so cold to love...so disheartening...so angry? Is she jaded? Is she just a bitch?  How can anyone be so dismissive by someone who's offering the one thing everyone wants.

No man would ever think to produce a site like this, let alone ask the question. We know why you're still here...you loved us. You were crazy about us. We get it. Just because we've been told you're no longer interested doesn't mean we're able to automatically turn our heart off.  Despite what you may think or what some of us have led you to believe, we're not nearly the Emotional Ninjas* you ladies are.

*Emotional Ninjas is a catch phrase conceived by Comedian Whitney Cummings, who to our knowledge, is in no way responsible for the above mentioned website, nor as of this writing, has had any relations with The Naked Truther.

I have an additional thought on the subject: A man's feelings are only as relevant as much as a woman is willing to accept them. In other words, women can only handle the emotion they're prepared for or want to receive. Disagree? Think you're capable? Ready for us now? Maybe. But more likely, you won't be ready until YOU'RE ready. And that'[s not very evolved or nurturing.

Go ahead. Take a survey. Every man thinks the above notion  is true about you. It has to be on your terms when you're ready...only then are we allowed to love you.

Now, I'll attempt to answer more specifically why we're still here....in the most general of terms.

Men are fighters, in the sense we're raised to never give up. Especially athletes. If a man's played any kind of sports, he's competitive. Winners never quit. Defeat is not an option. Persistence counts. That last one was actually said to me by a woman. And speaking of women...I can't even begin to tell you how many times a woman has changed her mind with me...what we were going to do...or not do. Get out. No. Stay. You gotta' go. No. One more. For a guy, it's exhausting and confusing. But it also makes us think we always have a chance because we never know when you're going to change your mind....again.

And then there's these reasons.....

Because you left us with unanswered questions and still have yet to answer them.

Because we fell in love with you as soon as we met you.

Because something happened to you too....for when we asked you out the next day you said "we should "definitely go out.....not "Maybe" or "I don't even know you"....but "definitely".

Because our connection and chemistry was the kind people dream about.

Because we thought you were our dream girl.

Because we wrote a poem about you before we even went out.

Because we wanted to fly across the country to see you and take you to see our favorite band (as if I need to say the name) for our first date.

Because we would have flown around the world to take you to see yours.

Because we recorded your favorite band in concert on our DVR....and saved it for months.

Because we walked special to a corner in NYC and took a picture of a street sign that bore your last name.

Because we patiently waited 2 months to see you.

Because the shorts we wore the day we met had your last name inscribed on the inside waistline....unbeknowst to us.

Because of how you looked at us....and smiled at us.

Because you held our hand.

Because you told us you loved our laugh....and our smell....and our taste.

Because you couldn't wait to get us naked.

Because your clothes were begging to be ripped off.

Because you looked like an angel on your doorstep.

Because we met on an ominous date like 10/10/10. 11/11/11 or 12/12/12.

Because you told us we'd have plenty of practice.

Because even if you were seeing someone else, it does now affect how you make us feel.

Because the nipple never lies.

Because we told everyone we knew about you.

Because we couldn't wait to fall asleep with you....and then wake up next to you.

Because we loved how you felt in our arms.

Because you thought we were "so sexy".

Because you told us to give our Mother a kiss for you.

Because you told us you couldn't wait to see us....and then later that you needed to see us.

Because you kissed us like no one has ever kissed us before.

Because we felt your heat penetrating your jeans between your legs that first night in your bed.

Because you texted us before we even got home how incredible the night was.

Because you admitted you were holding back the second night in your bed....and this was after you had already been more turned on then any other woman we'd ever been with previous.

Because we think you're not being honest with yourself....or with others.

Because we couldn't wait to listen to you talk to us.

Because we were done with women before we met you.

Because we felt lucky.

Because you once made us happy.

Because we know you have no idea what you want....and that you don't actually have everything figured out like you told us you thought you did.

Because you were crazy and we dig that about you (Wedding Crashers reference).

Because you asked us if we were in touch with our feminine side and we still have no fucking idea what that means...why ask if you never cared about the answer?

Because you told us we make dreams come true...and we wanted to believe you.

Because what ever happened in Vegas did not stay in Vegas.

Because you turned us on more than any other women ever had.

Because you told us the sex with your previous boyfriend(s) was terrible.

Because we're crazy....hopeless...and romantic.

Because we'd wait forever for you...because we already had been waiting forever to meet someone like you.

Because we think with our heart and our head.

Because you said you were a talker and not a texter.

Because love is irrational...it's crazy, it's stupid, it's intoxicating....and it affects us all differently.

Because you said a lot of things that's left us wondering what was real and what was not.

And finally....because no matter how much of us grows to loathe you and your chilling, callous indifference...and how you chose to be with someone else who took God knows how long to tell you that he wanted to be serious, and then you end up actually rewarding him for acting like he didn't give a shit for as long as he did....couple with the possibility you may in fact suffer from a serious bi-polar illness.....even with all that knowledge......a small part of us....will...still, always love you.

That's the reason why we're still here.

The 7 Deadly Sins - #PRIDE

Pride is recognized as the most deadliest of all sins. Why? Because it has to do with an over infatuation with yourself. And in the story of Lucifer, who was so in love with himself, he thought he could compete with God, ultimately failing and falling from Heaven, which lead to his transformation to Satan.

I've heard plenty of people say that you can't love someone else if you don't love yourself first. Making yourself more important than another is something that masters pride, but fails at love. Loving yourself in such a way breeds selfishness, disregard for others and a supreme confidence that makes you feel better than everyone else. Newsflash. You're not. Sure you may be a wonderful person, but to think you're so much more wonderful than the person beside you breeds pure evil.

Humility, the counter virtue to Pride, is what you need. Not that you should think any less of yourself, just that you think of yourself less. Removes the focus from you. I always found women who treat men poorly tend to be the most selfish, narcissistic ones. 

It's time for a self examination. Be faithful to promises. And offer more credit to those who deserve it.  Love yourself all you want, but not at the expense of others. You're never as important or as wonderful as you think you are.