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Friday, October 11, 2013


Forget alcohol, is there anything more intoxicating than a hot bartender?  We're all suckers for bartenders. Why? Simple. They're typically friendly, attractive people who give us attention. It's easy to fall for that. Guys look at female bartenders from two perspectives. Either, we view them as untouchables because we know they are there only to do a job. Not to mention, every guy who walks into the place is going to hit on them. Or we view them as another approachable option.  Let's face it, we don't go to a bar to drink. We got to a bar to meet someone. Who cares if that someone is a customer or employee.  You can stay home and drink alone, like George Thorogood.

Personally, I can sit all night, drink and watch a bartender work and be very happy.  For whatever reason, my personality also attracts bartenders, or at the least, my personality allows me to engage and flirt with them.  I'll never forget a gorgeous red headed bartender in New York City from 10 years or so ago, who was appropriately named 'Amber'. We seemed to hit it off immediately and I knew from how she was smiling that it was more than just her job looking back at me. After that first encounter, I left town for awhile, and when I returned to the bar a month or so later, I was naturally wondering what kind of reaction I might receive.  My curiosity was answered as soon as she saw me approach. She gave me the most genuine, warm, welcoming smile a woman can offer. I've talked about this in a previous blog, but the way in which a woman looks at a guy, is her single most attractive quality. She even remembered exactly what I had ordered before. We continued to flirt many times after, as I kept coming back in, hoping to get her to go out with me. She never revealed she was dating someone, but I figured she was...this wasn't the type of girl who stays single. What bartender does?  At any rate, we finally did go out one night and it turned out to be the best date I'd ever had to that point in my life. We talked and kissed like we'd been dating for years.

One of the things that I took from that experience with Amber was to never discount chemistry and a connection, no matter the circumstance or context.  A few months ago I met another bartender here in Los Angeles, who I sensed a similar connection as the one I had with Amber. This one had just broken up with her boyfriend, maybe even that day.  I don't know for sure, but she made it clear she had no interest in going out with someone right now.  I asked her if she was attracted to me because I like to cut to the chase. Regular readers of this blog know I'm not one for games.  If she said 'Yes' then I would hang in there, give her space, time to get to know me, etc....if she said, 'No' then I'd just move on. Well, she said 'yes, but that she didn't like some comment I made about preferring the other bartender."  At the time I may have said that, I was just messing around with her. So, I thought maybe she was just messing around me. I pretty much dismissed her sass, and continued to show interest.

For the next few weeks I came back in once a week to see her. The days I went in became my favorite part of my week, every week. At the time, I don't know if she realized it but I was only specifically coming in to see her.  If you've followed this blog at all, you know I'm 90% monk. I don't date. I don't look for women.  I do, on occasion, leave open the door should I meet someone exceptional. This one seemed special. She was playful, sexy and liked Bruce Springsteen. What else do I need?  I didn't just want to have sex with her, she was the type of girl who I could date and have a lot of fun with. I told her I wanted to take her to a Springsteen show. If she only knew how much that meant I thought of her. By the way, the other bartender who works with her told me she thought "Springsteen is an idiot." So, of course I could never date her, but like Bruce and I, she is a Libra, so I could have sex with her.

Back to the one I really liked.  I went in one night with to ask her to go see Journey with me in Vegas and she was actually wearing a Journey shirt! That was weird. But I never did get to ask her that night cause she was having some drama or something, so I just handed her a note about the show. She shoved it in her pocket without reading it. Who knows if she ever did.

However, I still wasn't making any progress in getting her number.  Bartenders, much like strippers and waitresses tend to be a bit more cautious about dating customers.  It's probably because they've seen and heard from plenty of assholes on the job. I found out through a male friend of mine, who knew her before I started going in, that she had a boyfriend. I figured she probably just got back together with the previous guy. When I went back in to ask her, she told me it was, in fact, someone new. And that he just "swept her off her feet."  Well, while I was happy for her, it felt like a punch in the gut to me. I suddenly felt like an idiot for thinking we had any kind of real chemistry before.

So, now, of course it's awkward between us. I gave her my blog, hoping she would read it and see that I had been sincere in my interest and further understand that I wasn't just another asshole trying to pick her up. I doubt I'll go back in again to see her. While seeing her still puts a smile on my face, I no longer seem to put one on hers. Hey, it's not all bad. I've grown quite fond of this whole monking thing. It's better for the heart.