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Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Things Women Have Said to Me...Before/After a First Kiss

The only introduction necessary for this post is....
All of these non-embellished quotes came from different women.
I have a very good memory.
I'm a fantastic kisser.
Don't doubt it. I am.

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SCENE:  She's sitting on my lap in a sofa chair in a late night crowded NYC lounge. It was well into our first date. We had yet to kiss.

"Let me see your hands. The last guy I dated, his hands couldn't cover my breasts. I can't date anyone whose hand can't cover my breast."

MY REAX:  I get it. But in any guy's defense, she did possess above average breasts.  After she took my hand, inspected it and then held it up, she said, "You passed." While she may have been giving me the green light to go ahead and touch her...for some unknown reason I did not. Instead, I just smiled as cool as James Bond ice, and said "Good." As for the first kiss, which came on her doorstep a bit later in the evening, it's the kiss which all other kisses are measured against.

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SCENE:  After making out for the first time on our first date, first ferociously on the street and then later in the front seat of her car she abruptly stopped, dramatically pulled back and exclaimed:

"Ugh! Thank you for ruining my life! I thought I had everything figured out."

MY REAX:   WTF?!  While I knew this girl was having sexual problems with her boyfriend (she told me so earlier in the night) she just verbally confirmed what I knew from how she kissed me back...I had just rocked her world and now she had no idea what to do with the "other" guy, or me for that matter.  Oh...and she's also crazy. But I guess I'm attracted to extra crazy because I know it translates to crazier sex.  Still, despite her misplaced excitement, it was kind of flattering...even if it was a bit twisted. Nevertheless, her revealing speech did not stop with just the one comment...or one long kiss for that matter.  We continued until....


"This is torture!"

MY REAX:  OK. Really? I should have just walked out of the car at this point, but I told I could have continued to kiss her the rest of the night (or the rest of my life...which was the truth) which then led to this pleasant exchange:


"You've got to get out. Now! Get the fuck out....No wait. One more. Don't go."

MY REAX:  OK. She was right. This was now officially torture. This kind of exchange went back and forth several more times before we ultimately ended up back at her place with her straddled on top of me in her bed. This after she had previously insisted:


"You are not coming back to my place tonight."

MY REAX:  For some reason all women need to sternly declare these things upfront. Things they have no intention of ever following, but need to be said anyway for their own psyche. I've been there before. I understand. You don't want us to think you're easy or worse...a whore. It's OK. We don't think either of those things. We just think you're horny and incredibly turned on by us. Nothing negative at all. All good. So, save the theatre class charades for your acting coach and let your heart and fire down below do all the talking. Take a deep breath. Relax. And let our head do all the work. Lol.

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SCENE:  After spending more than an hour flirting and talking in a bar, I followed closely behind her as we made our way through a crowded dance floor. She suddenly turned around, and without hesitating, saying nothing, I grabbed her hip and gently pulled her close to me, kissing her as passionately and as softly as I could, which generated the following first reaction:

"You kiss so passionately."

MY REAX:  Granted, it was a first kiss, and yes, I intentionally kissed her with maybe more passion than deserved...but really? She was complaining about too much passion? Maybe she would have preferred no passion. OK maybe less...I think she was just surprised at my commitment to the kiss. We did however kiss again...and again...until her butch lesbian girlfriend (not kidding) showed up claiming...more like demanding it was "girls" night out and proceeded to shut down the night for me.

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SCENE:  We were back at my place after going to see her favorite band, The Toadies. She had already asked to stay the night, but I still wasn't sure what exactly was going to happen. We had yet to hook up, let alone kiss. She was in the middle of breaking up with her boyfriend of two years and there was no real indication to this point there was a possibility of crossing the line of our prior friendship. And although she was "done" with him I honestly wasn't sure how into me she may have been.  To make a long story short we ended up fooling around, and as things progressed, and got more intense, she said:

"You don't have to kiss me so lovingly....I want you to dominate me."

MY REAX:  I knew ahead of time this was not a sexually shy woman...to put it mildly.  Although knowing what I did about her past it still sort of caught me by surprise that she wanted me to be so aggressive with her. As crazy as it sounds, I wasn't up for it like I needed to be. I was still dealing with my own shit with women and while I was totally attracted to her...it just didn't feel right. Nevertheless, I tossed her around a little bit and I did manage to finger bang the fuck our of her...much to her pleasure.

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SCENE:  She began flirting with me as soon as she entered the plane. We were sitting across the aisle from one another, drinking, talking, listening to my iPod together. At the time we were sharing my headsets, both of us leaned slightly into the aisle. She was looking at me with the kind of eyes that girls use to look into a guy, not just at. So, I leaned in a little closer, and ever so gently, kissed her warm inviting lips.  After pulling away she softly uttered:


"Wow."


MY REAX:  In there.

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SCENE:  We had been talking to each other for about a month by the time we spent much of Sunday together. We ended up back at her place on her couch, drinking...when we finally kissed.  After a couple of minutes she pulled back and inquired:

"Why didn't you tell me you liked me before Friday?"

MY REAX:  WTF?!  And WTF happened on Friday?!  She went on to tell me she had a first date with a guy she had known for months that ended up being the best first date of her life and now she's "head over heels for him." So, what did that have to do with us right now at this moment? And if I told you on Thursday I liked you would you not have gone out with him on Friday? Exactly. What I was really wondering was did she ask because she did like me, but didn't think I was interested and is now caught in a WTF situation herself.  We didn't talk much after that night because in some ways she thought I betrayed her for making her think I had no interest. By the time we finally talked seriously about what happened nearly 3 months later she claimed to not recall ever asking me that question, despite remembering pretty much everything else about the evening.  That first reaction she had?...a complete blank.  And now here's the kicker:

"That's crazy. Why would I even say that? You should have just dismissed it as 'drunk girl' talk."

MY REAX:  Perhaps. But I do recall her being extremely coherent and lucid...fully aware of what was going on and what she was saying at the time. We even kissed many more times that night.  Can you imagine if I had told her back then, "Hey you're nuts."  Whatever the case, she now claims that it wouldn't have mattered if I told her "before Friday" because she was never interested. OK. I told her most people believe your true feelings come out when you're drunk. Once again, she denied that to be the case. OK.

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Friday, May 25, 2012

Blow Jobs

Yes. We do like them that much.


And yes. We really do like it like "that." With "that" referring to what you see in porn.


And we like them even more when you initiate them. Nothing gets us harder or tells us you love us more than an unsolicited Blow Job. Talk to us. Tell us you can't wait to taste us or feel us in your mouth. I'm a monk and even I'm getting excited now.


To swallow or not to swallow? That is a question only you can answer. We all have our personal preferences, but ultimately do what makes you most comfortable. Just remember, as with anything else, enthusiasm counts.


Since this blog is all about education and information I thought I'd share the interesting history on how the expression "blow job" came to be. I particularly like the explicit reference to the penis as a "whorepipe."


I found the below article on-line. Go ahead Google it. And here I always thought Blow Job was actually one word, Blowjob. Huh. Then again, one word doesn't really do it justice. The act deserves two.

The Origin of Blow Job - Pre-1960's

The phrase "blow job," for oral-genital sex performed on a male, is surprisingly new in terms of its widespread understanding and usage. It started to appear in slang dictionaries in the 1960s, around the time pop icon Andy Warhol released his film Blow Job, containing several explicit depictions of the act. Earlier the term had been used by college men, prostitutes, and printed in underground pornography, but it was not yet commonplace.


To many Americans in the 1940s and 1950s a "blow job" was a faster-then-the-speed-of-sound "jet airplane." It took off and gave everyone nearby a "blow job." The Thesaurus of American Slang (1953) records an example of this usage from an issue of the San Francisco Examiner in 1945: "A P-59 jet propelled Airacomet, affectionately called the 'blow job' by flyers, will make several flights in 1946." 

Linguist think the sexual connotation of "blow job" evolved from "blowoff," an expression meaning to finish off, to climax, to end. "Blowoff" in this sense is related to "blow off steam," to put an end to a emotionally frustrating experience. When a prostitute gave a client a blow job she was helping him "blow off" the steam of sexual arousal. In the 1930s, street-walkers offered oral sex with the phrase "I'll blow you off." It suggests 'I'll cool you down,' 'I'll release your steam.'

Some linguists think the term "blow job" evolved gradually from an eighteenth century European name for a prostitute, blower. A popular name for penis at the time was "whorepipe," and it is easy to see how the woman who played the instrument came to be called a "blower." But was the act called a "blow job?" There's no indication of that.

Today the word is commonplace, uttered as often by women as men. In the following limerick, a widow has just had her cheating husband's body cremated and is about to dispose of his ashes:


A bitter new widow, quite tough,
To her mate's ashes said in a huff,
"You've diddled young girls,
Never brought me no pearls,
And wanted me to blow you - so puff!"

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Fate, Texts & The Smell of a Foot - PART V (FINAL)

I strongly recommend reading PART IV first...you can find the links to the earlier PARTS here as well.
http://thenakedtruthforwomen.blogspot.com/2012/05/fate-texts-smell-of-foot-part-iv.html

PART V

Upon my return from Buffalo and the final E Street Band show of the tour all I could think about was seeing this girl again.  The show turned out to be ridiculously awesome and capped off one of the most enjoyable weeks of my life….happiness is such a fleeting thing with me, so the good times are extremely appreciated and never taken for granted….I behaved…No drunk texting after the show or anything like that….it would have been nice to hear from her saying how she couldn’t wait to see me again…but I never got it…even though we had something set for Monday night when I got back.


On the flight back Monday I sat with a guy who flew like me from LA just to go to the show…on a cross country flight you talk about a lot…especially if you share a love of Bruce…so naturally we swapped Bruce stories which led to talks about women.…and a little about what I had just been through.

Unfortunately from the moment I landed things didn't seem quite right.  I changed planes in Phoenix on my way back to LA and there I had a text from her that said she forgot a friend was leaving for Germany for like a month the next day and she wanted to see him tonight so could we change it for tomorrow?...Sure that sucked, but no problem…once again I played it cool but really I knew something else was at play. Why couldn't she just seem afterward? The only reason I had come back to LA at all was to see her because I could have gone right to Florida for Thanksgiving which I was planning on doing Wednesday.  I even thought about asking her to go with me. That's how into her I was...and she made no mention of any plans she had for the holiday so I figure fuck it....I don't need to hide anything from her. I was nuts about her and wanted to spend as much time with her as possible. Plus I didn't want her thinking I only cared about fucking her. 

Tuesday morning came and her edit to finish her film was running late....She was working close to my apartment so I figured she’d just come by when she was done and we'd walk to grab lunch and then whatever…she said between 2 and 3. 

Initially I thought we'd be spending the day together.  By the time she finished we ended up wanting to meet for only a coffee for like an hour cause she had another meeting set for 530. Great. Not so great. She didn’t have time to come by my place now.  And didn't seem like she wanted to.  I kept thinking "Fuck. Something went down in Vegas. Either her girlfriend talked me out of her or she went to Vegas with her boyfriend and they "fixed" whatever "problems" they had....and by "problems" I mean the "sex". Fuck me. At least she wasn’t blowing me off completely.  Not yet anyway.

I chose a place where we could still eat cause I was starving…and had been waiting on her.  She showed up a few minutes after me and greeted me a nice smile and hug, but no kiss…no great to see you…she seemed kind of distant and a little cool. Maybe it was just me being an idiot. I don’t know. She asked if I still wanted to get together after her next meeting for drinks or dinner and I told her I didn’t understand why she wouldn’t think I would want to see her now…and again later. And any other time for that matter.

Maybe I was showing too much interest too soon…but I didn’t give a shit. I didn’t want to have to pretend that I didn’t like her or play that ridiculous game guys often play…but there’s a reason that guys act like this because they know a chick might freak out if they feel they’re being pressured into something they’re not ready for…I’ve never been very good at waiting….I think it’s cause I’m a Libra and there’s no grey area with me…I’m very black and white…matter-of-fact…honest and open. Women say they want the truth…yeah, only if they’re ready for it. 

And speaking of the truth she pressed me about my script Fate Walks In...the one I had told her earlier about a guy who thought his cocktail waitress may have been the love of his life.  She said I didn’t send it to her yet…no shit…I told her she wasn’t ready for it yet…she smiled slowly, and in the exact same way she replied when I asked her if she was ready for me to "finish" on her a few nights ago, she confidently said…

I’m ready

Maybe I wasn’t. Either way…she wasn’t getting it. I told her all about how magical the show was in Buffalo and how Bruce continues to light up my life…I wanted to tell her she did the same…I didn’t….I was a coward....but I think she knew what I was trying to say…before I left I had emailed her a clip of Bruce’s song, Red Headed Woman, and she emailed me back over the weekend thanking me for thinking of her and that she had watched it. 


I asked her about it but she said it was still too "rocking" for her taste…I think she’s got something against Bruce. Her Dad must like him. But she did say she liked it more that I had thought of her. I then told her about Brooks (one of the guy's I was with at the show) kissing me and telling me I’m his hero and he loves me during the show…again she smiled and said....

You make dreams come true

I said something about now I guess I got to get to work on yours….I was trying to dance with her…but I wanted to add, “I’m still looking for someone to make my dreams come true.”…she went onto say when you find something you like you should hold on tight to it. That's when I said "I am."…and I gently grabbed her knee…Too much? yes…but she kept lobbing in pitches…so I had to swing at them….

She popped a pill from a prescription bottle at the table and I didn't even ask what it was for...but she seemed a little rattled, stressed...clearly something was on my mind.  She said she had to get going to her other meeting and stood up to hug goodbye.  No "Walk me to my car?" or "I'll see you tonight." 

Yes, she had a meeting to get to so I knew she wasn’t going to physically mess around with me now but still, not even a peck kiss goodbye…see ya later….what happened in Vegas is what I wanted to know?.....Doesn’t everybody?....She said she saw the Beatles show Love…got handed some stripper/whore cards on the strip and can’t stand the place…I kind of defended Vegas some and she remarked how I probably just love it there....but the reality is I can't stand it either anymore. I use to love it there when I was partying a lot and chasing "pussy"...but those days are long over. Vegas is too much.

She said she’d text me when she was done with the meeting and kind of did some lame half high-five type of thing…I don’t even know what the hell that was….it was quite an odd goodbye and I wanted to press her to find out if anything really was going on...but I decided I'd wait till tonight and lay all my chips on the table then.  I watched her walk away, then quickly paid the tab and tried to catch up to her in the parking lot.

She was already in the car, as if she was running away…yeah she had a meeting to get to…but she didn’t even roll down the window or stop…just a ‘lil wave…it was fucked….and so was I.  And that was the last time I ever saw her.

I tried to stay positive…maybe she was just in business girl mode when she saw me and she just couldn’t handle relationship girl jammed in the middle of it…highly possible and probable…I was looking forward to watching her short film that night…and I figured I’d show her some videos I had produced as well.

I thought bout going to her place to just wait outside on her to come home after her meeting....I wanted to be there when she got home...just to see her face. Would she be angry? Happy? What would her emotion be? My emotions were all over the place. I nixed the idea. Instead, I went home and went High Fidelity, John Cusack...a Chicago boy and Bruce fan btw...and I did what any crazy in love male does...I made a CD for her.

Yeah ridiculous…even more ridiculous was that it was all Bruce songs.  It wasn’t that I was trying to get her to like Bruce…it was to get her to like me more...to understand me.  The reasons I love Bruce define me.  What he sings about and how he sings…..his passion, his energy...the pure joy he evokes …“and these romantic dreams in my head.” (This is a line from his song No Surrender, although I left it off my CD because it would be too "rocking" for her…I went for the slower, romantic ones.)…but above all else, Bruce inspires me in all aspects of my life…including, making me believe that finding a woman like this is possible.  I never thought it was. Before I had met her I had virtually given up on women. At 37, I was done. Had thrown in the towel on a mutual love and connection.

I chose 9 songs, because that’s our number. Remember we met on 9-9-09. 9 songs to define me and that would say exactly how I felt about her…I didn’t need 90 days…or  anymore Dates with her.  The naked truth is that it only took a few minutes...

1. Thunder Road
The most romantic, epic  rock song ever written. It's perfect.

2.  Drive all Night
Because I would

3. Fire
More than you can imagine

4.  Back in your Arms
Because I needed to be
(and Pat Riley’s favorite song…he told me in Buffalo)

5.  Fade Away
I can't.
In this live version Bruce says, “this is for Steven” to the crowd just before the song starts
(the album version is better audio)

6.  Tougher Than the Rest
I am...and if not, I want to be.

7.  Girls in their Summer Clothes
“She went away, she cut me like a knife
Hello beautiful thing, maybe you could save my life
In just a glance, down here on magic street
Loves a fool's dance
And I ain't got much sense, but I still got my feet

The girls in their summer clothes
In the cool of the evening light
The girls in their summer clothes, pass me by”

8.  I’ll Work for Your Love
"What others may want for free...I'll work for your Love."
Bruce played this in Buffalo and I thought of her.
(And I had told her it was the Title song for my script, "Fate Walks In")

9.  And Then She Kissed Me
Because she did...and better than any other woman ever had.
Bruce covers this Crystals classic brilliantly.

At 730, she texted me and said she just got home and wasn’t feeling well and needed to lie down. She thought a migraine was coming on and would call me in a couple of hours.  Perhaps, that was what the pill was about when she met me earlier.  

Remember, I was leaving in the morning for 10 days for Thanksgiving.  I flew purposefully back from Buffalo for the 2 days before leaving again to see her some more. She didn’t know that. Around 10, she texted me again. So, she wasn't totally blowing me off....and maybe it was all in my head.  She said she just woke up, but still felt bad and was going to sleep for the night. She said she was sorry, told me to have a great holiday and "Hopefully, I’ll see you when you get back." That was in a text. No call.

I texted back to remind her my flight wasn’t until 1pm the next day and I could wake her up in the morning if she wanted me to. I never heard from her again that night.

She replied the next morning saying how sweet my message was, but she couldn’t see me this morning…she was on her way to edit again…and wished me a Happy Thanksgiving. I called her. I had to. To my surprise, she picked up the phone.  She sounded like everything was ok…and I joked around with her some, made light of it all, not showing any signs that my head was beyond a little fucked up. I didn’t want to seem like it was any big deal we weren’t going to see each other for 10 days. Even though I knew it would be a huge fucking deal.

So that was that…what choice did I have? Should I have asked her to come home with me? I wanted to do it in person....felt like over the phone it would have seemed desperate...which it was...but it was also genuine. I wanted to tell her so much how I felt but it never came to be.

I thought about surprising her on Thanksgiving w/the first 10 pages of Fate Walks In, but luckily I talked myself out of it…the first 10 pages are harmless...and funny, but she’d only want to read more…there was no sense in getting her worked up…so I decided on something a little lighter…and even funnier….the World According to Henry clips from YouTube…I told her there was a character based on Henry in the script so at least she’d get a taste and she’d hear my voice on the clips…people have thought I’m the best thing about them, even though you never see me….It's just a little silliness intended to make her laugh.


Looking back...I'm an idiot. How could I send her this? 

Easy. Men do lots of stupid shit when they're in love. 

In addition to my failed delivery of the CD and the Thanksgiving offer I was thinking of telling her I wanted to bring in the New Year with her….this was even before I got an email invite from a buddy on Thanksgiving  Day for his annual NYE party, so I figured that was a sign that I had the green light.  When I got back, I'd ask her….

For some reason I planned to go radio silence on her till then.  I don't know why. Maybe to see if she'd call me first....it was a stupid game...and I don't even play them…Well...it didn't last long.  I have a hard time sitting and doing nothing so I sent a hello text on the Tuesday after Thanksgiving. We last had exchanged emails Thanksgiving Day. This time…No reply.

I then left a Voicemail on Wed…just reading this as I write it I’m thinking how ridiculous I was acting…we had one date…then a Bootycall night…and an hour coffee/lunch…I am an idiot…maybe not Lord of The Idiots…but still an idiot.


All along, I had been waiting for my curse to appear…her curse….ha…I still LOL at her comment…..and is if on cue….

Hey, steve. Thx 4 ur call. Hope u had a great holiday. I won’t be able to see you anymore. I have to sort out some personal things in my life rt now and I am also going out of town next week and ill b gone 4 over a month. It was nice spending time w u. Thank u 4 understanding. Have a wonderful holiday.

“It was nice spending time w u. Have a wonderful holiday.”  WTF???!!!!!!!!!

I don’t even know how to begin to express the kind of emotional knot that hit my stomach with that text. I couldn't breathe. Literally.  It was if my heart had been ripped out, stomped on and then tossed in the gutter. I had never felt so low, so helpless....and so hopeless. Her sudden rejection crippled me. Her text represented every hope and dream I had...dismissed. Worst of all...I knew there was nothing I could do about it.

I tried to catch my breath.  

First of all I was angry her message came via text. In our very first phone conversation she told me how she’s not a "texter", she’s a "talker"….which I liked hearing because I can’t stand texting conversations. I hate them. Texting should be reserved for sexting, directions and yes/no questions only. But women love that shit. Texting is non-threatening, non-confrontational, impersonal and the easy way out. It's a cowardly, horrible way to communicate. Texting is also incredibly selfish…it’s for pussies…pick up the phone and act like a man!….oh right…she’s a woman.  Never mind.

Second...we had no problem sharing a lot of personal information with each other up until now. Why couldn't she just talk to me about her problem? Why be so dismissive...so easily? That's probably what upset the most. How she could just ignore our connection...our chemistry...our heat?

I quickly went through some possible scenarios in my head.

One…she was never that into me…it was all an act. She was a part-time actress.

Two…she liked me, but got turned off by knowing how much I like her.

Three…she liked me, but got turned off by fucking Henry! (The World According To) That motherfucker.

Four…she liked me, but still likes Mr. Serious and now doesn’t know what the fuck to do.  And needs time to sort things out.

Five…she’s either pregnant or going away to rehab.

Six…she’s fucking crazy.

Whatever the reason…she still could have called.  She said I can’t see you anymore. Not I can’t see you anymore "right now"…like possibly leaving open the door for later…that’s what maybe got me the most…what the hell was going on?!

Rule numero uno when it comes to texting…Never text when you’re emotional.  But rules are made to be broken. I texted back almost immediately….

With all the chemistry and passion we had 2gether you need to call and tell me whats really goin on.

I should have asked her point blank how she could just walk away from that kind of passion, but I did not…

She replied right away...

Ok. I will. Give me some time.

Time. I’ve heard that one before. What is with women and time? They need time to think. Time to have an orgasm. That “time” of the month. What was preventing her from just telling me now? That's all I wanted to know. Why? And why now? When did she decide on this? Did she know before her Vegas weekend? After? Did she know when she was asking me to masturbate on her? 

People have asked me since, "What does it matter when she decided?". Why it matters so much to me I cannot tell you. It just does. It haunts me not knowing.  Is she that cold of a person? How could anyone be that cold. Much later I'd text her asking her that her heart needed a scarf.

A woman who I had met previously to this one…how we met is irrelevant…well maybe not so much…we met on a plane…we had such instant chemistry and attraction…clearly her more to me…but I just rolled with it…I did kiss her while sitting across the aisle as we listened to I think "Tunnel of Love" on my iPod together....the short of it is, I almost flew back with her to wherever she was going…we both were changing planes…We still talked later that night and the next day and she wanted me to fly into to see her that week…this all happened over a weekend.

Monday I hear nothing from her. Tuesday…nothing…Wednesday still nothing…wtf!? right?  She finally texts me on Saturday…the day I’m flying in that she lost her job on Monday and was devastated by it…and that she was sorry and to give her some "time"...No call…nothing...she couldn’t bring herself to see me, even if it meant cheering her up…she needed “time”…I didn’t know what to think. I spent 4 hours with this woman 30,000 feet in the air. Who knows what was really going on?...

Well a couple of weeks later I called her up…Valentine’s Week…she conveniently had left out she was finalizing her divorce that week too and coincidentally I happened to call while she was signing the final papers. Talk about timing.  She ended up inviting me out for the weekend to stay with her….and if you’re wondering how it turned out, the next time...yes there was a next time…there was a picture of us on her nightstand….so in that case…she really was that messed up over her firing…and perhaps the divorce thing…

Coincidentally…or maybe not…a second woman who I flew to see later that year for a first date, also lost her job…but this time she actually got fired on the morning I flew in…got virtually the same text from her…I tried calling her and left a message, but got no response….This one I just blew off and never called again….fucking economy…and I know now never to ask a woman out if she’s gainfully employed…only the unemployed from here on out for me...so time…yes…maybe all she really needs is time to talk to me.

And that should have been it…but no…I had to send one more text to her….

Take all the time u need…take 90 days. I don’t care…Its just ironic that you blew me away and now you’re blowin me off.

Ooops…I was trying to be funny bringing her up her “90 day rule”….but angry frustrated Steve came out….not good. Yet she replies once more, right away.

Im sorry. And Im not blowin u off.  I just cant see you.

There’s that “cant see you” again….fuck….ridiculous….I could not then and still can not now believe she could just walk away from what we had…I don’t care how short a time period it took place over…I’ve been kissed by enough woman to know kissing like that doesn’t just happen all the time…no woman has kissed me back like she did. Nor has anyone expressed how much they "needed" to see me.

So I sought out opinions from my peanut gallery….there was no shortage of guest commentators.  These are actual quotes from people I know and my ensuing reactions to them….Get your popcorn ready….this ought to be fun….

“Fuck that crazy bitch!”
Yes…but no…I can say it, but I CAN’T do it…and don’t want to either.

“Forget about her”
Not likely. I mean….CAN’T.

“Plenty of other fish in the sea”
Not for me there isn’t. Relax, I’m not saying she’s the “one”…I’m saying I’m extremely discriminating in the kinds of fish I like…besides, no two fishes taste alike and I liked the taste of this one.

“Do nothing! Wait for her.”
This suggestion came from a female Scorpion…just as my girl was…I put the exclamation in there because she yelled it to me…she was pretty fucking adamant…she’s going with the “she’s confused” theory and needs time to figure it all out…unfortunately the “do nothing” is not in my nature so I’ll probably fuck things up….I’m not a do nothing type of guy…and I don’t want to be with a girl who wants to be with one of those anyway. Plus this girl who offered the advice is a little wack cause she married one of my best friends, yet was never that attracted to him until they kissed…which was after many many many “buddy” dates….and then all of a sudden fireworks went off for her and she was like “Damn! Where has this been?!”…That's another direct quote from her.  I guess she had her Enchantment Under the Sea moment.

“Blindfold her”
I wish I could take credit for this one...but, morally and all, it just wouldn’t be right. You know…blindfold her so she “can’t see me.”…I think it’s pretty funny.

“Run!”
A singular word of wisdom from a fellow female who dyes purple streaks in her black Asian hair and who’s also the girlfriend of “Blindfold” guy.

“Well when u do talk 2 her u should play nonchalant but sensitive 2 her needs. Just tell her u hope she gets things worked out but if she needs somebody 2 talk 2 or somebody to work out her sexual frustrations with you’re the guyJ  If there was THAT much chemistry she wont b able 2 keep u off her mind...no matter what she says she is STILL going 2 b thinking about u. Just tread lightly, don’t b to forward and don’t demand any answers. Of course let her know that u r disappointed but play it cool at the same time. Chemistry is 1 thing but passion is def something a girl doesn’t turn her back on easy and it sounds like u guys def had the passion...Dat’s ALL I’m say’n.”
This one came via text from my female hygienist…she’s fascinated with my love life. Sounds remarkably practical and logical…except when you realize we’re talking about a girl who shut down an incoming orgasm with me…I don’t know how close she actually was…but she was well on her way and just like that, she quit it….so we had the passion…yes…but she’s already proven she can easily walk away from it temporarily.…in the heat and height of the moment, so why not permanently?

Looking back on this...as I wrote this up a long time ago...and have revisited it now for the purpose of the blog...the above advice from the hygienist is the one I should have followed verbatim. In fact I should have sent my girl that exact text. But again...we've already established I'm an idiot.

“She’s testing you.”
I stopped taking tests 26 years ago.  My younger married brother who came up with this theory is torn between the “Do nothing” approach and the Jon Cusak “ In your Eyes” Say Anything boombox approach.  Cusak’s from Chicago…she’s from Chicago…I think I mentioned that before…if that means anything.

That re-enactment still very funny….and still possible. Come to think of it…that was a pretty good film…here’s the trailer....which oh btw has the real boombox scene in it.

How could I just walk away from the most exciting, interesting and sexy girl I’ve ever been out with?...Simply…it was the best first date I ever had...even better than the other red-head I’ve been out with who I also fell in love with instantly…look…I’ve dated some beautiful women and had some amazing hook-ups….but this one was…just different. It was special.

I want to fight for her cause I know it could be spectacular…but on the other hand I’m still so fucking angry and disappointed in how this is all went down….and if she ain’t into it, then it doesn’t matter how I feel at all.

I thought about all my options and ultimately went with nothing…almost. 

A week later I realized it had now been officially 90 days since we met so I was going to have some fun with her little 90-day rule and also use the blindfold joke…trying to show I’m not being too serious about all this….

ME:  hey...I think I figured out a way to solve your problem when we get 2gether ill bring a blindfold so you won't be able to see me...ha...the real reason i txt u is im honoring ur 90 day rule. 2day is 90 days since we met on 09 09 09.

HER:  Oh. Happy Anniversary!

ME:  Well then we should celebrate. I'll bring the blindfold.

HER:  Blindfold?! don't b silly.

I should have picked up the phone right here and I told I her wanted to come over to just talk. Which is really all I wanted right now. Let her sort whatever it is she needed to sort out and that I'd be here for her. But no...I kept at it with the stupid texts.

ME:  S is 4 Steve and 4 Steven and 4 smart and 4 sexy and even 4 silly. Did you even read the first text?

HER:  Yes.

ME:  Well then there's only one of us bein silly here my lil red hot. S is also 4 sensitive and 4 scared which you neednt b w me.

NO REPLY.  CHA CHING...THAT'S ALL FOR ME. FOLKS...HAVE A GOOD NIGHT.

Apparently I left her speechless or she just doesn’t give a shit or I hit the nail on the head. 

I was empty inside. 

I should have just driven over. I didn't. I sat. I waited. I closed the book on this year.

I was miserable.

And I feel like a complete dooshbag having recounted this whole pathetic story…although as a writer it's something I need to do.  Anyone who writes understands.

Now that she just abruptly called it quits with me I have to question the legitimacy of everything that went on between us…was all it just an entire act?  Did she mean anything she said to me?...Was she preparing for a role?...Since she loves Seinfeld I’ll refer to Elaine to clarify things….

I went from feeling like I had hit the jackpot to the bottom of a garbage dump. That’s what you get for telling a woman you like her…a lot.

And…I’ve lost all hand in this relationship….roll Seinfeld again…

So the curse continues...mine...not hers.…Seems like ever since my senior year in college when I wanted to be with Alyson…who initially approached me because she had noticed me in class and it turned out we lived right across from each other…as in 10 yards apart…we hung out all the time, but never dated…or hooked up…she had just come out of a serious relationship that had soured her and she wasn’t ready to get into another one…she kept saying she needed “time”…what’s with women and time?!....for me...it was the first girl I ever wanted to be in a relationship with…we saw one another almost every day and talked every night on the phone before we went to bed…everyone thought we acted like an old married couple, especially since we never had any sex!...and it was killing me…I wanted to be with her so bad…for a 21 year old it was unbelievably frustrating…so after a few months of this I told her I couldn’t do this anymore and I was more or less done waiting…

One night, shortly thereafter we were talking on the phone and she said, “I’m ready. I want to give us a chance.”…so did I jump out of bed, run down my stairs and knock on her door?...of course not…

I said, “Just because you say you’re ready now you expect me to flip the switch back on?”…I can still remember that conversation like it was yesterday…and it was nearly 20 years ago.  Back then, I let my ego get in the way…because she said “jump” I was automatically supposed to ask, “How high?”…I couldn’t do it….but the reality is that I regretted that answer every day thereafter…and things were never the same between us....I can’t even imagine how low I must have made her feel at the time…Here she finally made herself vulnerable to me and I rejected her….I think Alyson put some voodoo who do on me…and I have no idea how to lift it….and ever since then it seems like any woman I really want to be with always ends fucked up…I do have some other stories….and on the opposite side, any woman who really wants to be with me, I just don’t have enough interest in them. 

And to think, one ex-flame in my late 20's thought I didn’t open up enough to her…hard to believe now, huh?

This experience takes a man down one of two paths. 

Either he goes out on a sport fucking binge…trying to bang as many girls as possible in the shortest amount of time or he becomes a monk…And don’t laugh...a girl friend of mine told me one of her ex-boyfriend’s did just that after they broke up…or he broke up with her to become a monk…not sure the order…but I’m leaning toward monk…it’s a peaceful way of life….

This year is dead to me now…she obviously does not give a shit...and has zero interest in talking to me or feeling a need to explain herself…so I’ll give her space…time….

I already wrote down what I might send her…

Hope the New Year brings you a clearer mind, an open heart…and the courage to do what makes you happiest. And hopefully you’ll read this…it’s much more interesting than Fate Walks In.

If I’m foolish enough to end up sending this to her it’s probably because the fool feels like he’s got no choice…he has to do something over nothing.  No regrets. I’ve never told a woman I think she should choose me over another…I have however told a woman, “I need you.” but that was only to convince her to come back to my hotel room and spend the night with me…and it actually worked…she melted when I said it…and I kind of felt terrible about it cause it was only a 1-night stand…but the point is…I do think we both need each other right now…and maybe it’s for different reasons…maybe for the same reason…I don’t know…but I can’t ask this one to be with me…I’m competitive, but not when it comes to dating…one, I don’t need that kind of pressure…and neither does she…but in the end, I shouldn’t have to say something like that…no man should…she has to be the one…she knows I like her and that I want to be with her…and that’s all she needs to know….that…and the lyrics to Thunder Road
.
THUNDER ROAD
By Bruce Springsteen

The screen door slams
Mary’s dress sways
Like a vision she dances across the porch
As the radio plays
Roy Orbison singing for the lonely
Hey that's me and I want you only
Don't turn me home again
I just can't face myself alone again
Don't run back inside
Darling you know just what I’m here for
So you're scared and you're thinking
That maybe we ain’t that young anymore
Show a little faith, there's magic in the night
You ain’t a beauty, but hey you're alright
Oh and that's alright with me

You can hide beneath your covers
And study your pain
Make crosses from your lovers
Throw roses in the rain
Waste your summer praying in vain
For a savior to rise from these streets
Well now I’m no hero
That's understood
All the redemption I can offer, girl
Is beneath this dirty hood
With a chance to make it good somehow
Hey what else can we do now?
Except roll down the window
And let the wind blow
Back your hair
Well the nights busting open
These two lanes will take us anywhere
We got one last chance to make it real
To trade in these wings on some wheels
Climb in back
Heavens waiting on down the tracks
Oh-oh come take my hand
Riding out tonight to case the promised land
Oh-oh thunder road, oh thunder road oh thunder road
Lying out there like a killer in the sun
Hey I know it's late we can make it if we run
Oh thunder road, sit tight take hold
Thunder road

Well I got this guitar
And I learned how to make it talk
And my cars out back
If you're ready to take that long walk
From your front porch to my front seat
The doors open but the ride it ain’t free
And I know you're lonely
For words that I ain’t spoken
But tonight well be free
All the promises I’ll be broken
There were ghosts in the eyes
Of all the boys you sent away
They haunt this dusty beach road
In the skeleton frames of burned out Chevrolets

They scream your name at night in the street
Your graduation gown lies in rags at their feet
And in the lonely cool before dawn
You hear their engines roaring on
But when you get to the porch they're gone
On the wind, so Mary climb in
Its a town full of losers
And I’m pulling out of here to win.

-----------------------


Postscript

So this was something I wrote for the most part right after it happened some 2 1/2 years ago...I have added some thoughts and cleaned it up a bit from the original version, but for the most part it's the same.  I've stopped short of including a picture of her, but I recently saw Jerry McGuire again and she looks a little bit like Kelly Preston did in that film. She even acted like her. Lol. Kelly played Tom Cruise's first girlfriend, before Renee Zellwegger.  

In addition to wondering what she looks like if you've read all 5 parts you have to be curious what happened after New Year's and if we ever talked again.  When New Year's came and went without hearing from her it only sent me into a deeper funk. I was crushed and knew it was over over.  So for the first time I said to myself "What the fuck. I don't give a fuck" and I mailed her a version of what you just read.  Yes...I actually sent the entire recap to her. I knew the risk. But I also felt it was over anyway, so at least she'd get to hear my side of things.  I guess I needed the last word. I don't know. A small part of me hope she would be flattered by the attention...the humor, the vulnerability, etc.

We had a pleasant email exchange in late January which I initiated where she apologized for not taking into account how I might have felt about her text and that she'd be happy to sit down with me and tell me what's going on.  I should have just accepted that from her, but instead I insisted she read the attachment first. Keep in mind, she emailed me back BEFORE she read the Rehash.

She called me shortly thereafter, and as you might expect, it was not such a heart warming conversation. She was clearly freaked out. And wouldn't address anything with me. I sniped "I guess the sex got better." She refused to say anything, except "I'm not going to discuss with you what our problems may have been". And that was pretty much it. She tried explaining to me she had been on the fence with the other guy. Either she was going to go "all out" or "all in", which to to this day, I have no idea what she meant by that. How can you go from possibly breaking up to committing 100%....especially in the beginning of a relationship.  And she thought I was crazy...The reality was...I was crazy....for her.  I may think a little differently at times...and act unusual....but crazy?  Hardly. I know exactly what I'm doing at all times...I was just in love with her....and it (she) was driving me nuts. The way she looked at me...the way she talked to me.  I fell quick. And I fell hard. 

The phone call tortured me...and to this day I'm still haunted by it. I got sick from it.

Afterward I tried to text, email...but she was virtually unresponsive. I reached out to her after my 40th birthday last year with a phone call and surprisingly she returned it, but not surprisingly, her response came via text. Our experience apparently meant nothing to her. I meant nothing to her. 

What most disappoints me is knowing she's not the woman I thought she was. Loving. Caring. Strong. She's none of those things. Instead, she's Selfish, Cold, Insincere and Weak. 

While I know she could never match my heart, I do question my strength. I've been unable to completely put this affair behind me. Yes I can't let it go...but I don't want to either. I can't forget how she made me feel. I even told her she was both the best thing to happen to me...and the worst. If I was done with women before her...I have no idea where I'm at now. Two things continue to not help me. One...my parents live down the street from an apartment complex that bears her last name. And two...my favorite pair of shorts..the shorts I happened to be wearing on the day I met her...bear her name in block letters on the inside waist. It's the label of the shorts! How weird is that?! I should throw those shorts I guess...but crazy...that I was wearing her brand the day we met. Does she care about any of that? Hell no! The only woman who cares about such things like these kind of "signs" is Salma Hayek and that was in Fools Rush In.....which use to be one of my favorite movies until my Fairytale ending thunderously collapsed.

Since it happened, I started writing and talking to women more and more about how men feel...and think...to help them realize there's a lot more to us than just what's between our legs...which ironically is the same argument they have with us. Yet...I still think there's a fundamental difference in how we view things and we approach things. 

Men listen far more to their hearts and less to either one of their heads....than any woman would believe. Our hearts drive us...whether we know it's good for us or not. We're an act first and sort it out later type bunch. And the reason many men operate with closed hearts because, much like myself, they've been burned one too many times. I have no answer how to fix it nor do I have any idea if I'm ever going to really love again. Do I even want to?

What I do know without question is that you shouldn't judge anyone based on time, or what your friends may tell you...or even what you maybe assuming.  All you have to do is ask the person you're with what they're thinking. Don't be afraid. Be honest with yourself first and then be honest with another. Open your heart. And you will get the truth. The naked truth.

And one final reminder to all you ladies questioning how you feel....look to your nipple....it never lies.

Saturday, May 12, 2012

To Care? or Not to Care?...That is the Question

I had a heated discussion today with a woman with who I had some unresolved issues with and she asked me "Why do you care so much?"

That's a very good question because it seems to be on the minds of a number of women.  Maybe it's asked because most women are so use to most men acting like they don't give a shit they instinctively think something's wrong when one does. It  blows their mind. Freaks them out. That's what another girl friend of mine said who I've known for more than 20 years. She says "If you care too much too soon we are freaked out by that."

Think about this. What you're telling men is that you shouldn't care until you let us know it's OK. We're on your clock. Or worse, we should just wait for you to be pissed at us for not caring enough...after all, when you're ready to care about us, only then shall we better damn well care.

Another by product from knowing you don't like us caring what you think may be too much too soon is that we fake it with you. We intentionally act like we don't care. While we do, we hide it from you because we know what your potential reaction might be. I know plenty of men that will confirm that it's just best to act like you don't care. You've trained us well ladies. Bravo. Except for the small percentage of men like myself....who show their heart early and often....for that I'm harshly attacked.  So what we've learned is that Lying...not being honest with your feelings...certainly not sharing any real emotion early on...those are all solid building blocks for a healthy future relationship. Yet, that's exactly the blueprint women put forth when they ask "Why do you care so much?"

Me caring actually got this woman angry.  Now, how does that sound?

Time is always an issue when it comes to caring too, right?  You should only care as much as is relative to the time you know each other. Naturally my friend from 20 years I should care about a helluva lot more than if I know you for 5 months...yes?...To a degree. But what about a total stranger? Should I not give a shit about them just because I don't know them? That's not being very much of a humanitarian or warm and loving of thy neighbor. It's easy for us to care about people we know well....but your true colors come out in how you treat and act toward people you barely know.

For me...and I guess I'm very different than the average man here....if I meet you...and I like you...I'm going to care about you....immediately. You can argue maybe I'm like this because I have a hard time letting things "go" or I'm just too sensitive, but I think it's more about my personality and the sacred value I place on relationships and connections. I find it insulting, callous and inhumane to simply dismiss people just because of how long, or more accurately, how little you know them for.

To all the women who are just as quick to dismiss someone for caring too much too soon...good luck with all the men who don't give a shit. You shouldn't have a problem finding them. There's plenty of 'em out there. 

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

How Men Text Each Other

I texted two different guys tonight about going to dinner and then to see The Avengers

One of them replied wanting to know if we were going to cuddle later or if I could possibly blow him too. But that's not even the funny part. 

The funny part is that both of them ultimately replied with the exact same text...as if they were together when they sent it.  They both texted independently:

"Gotta get up early. Gonna fuck my chick and go to bed."

Wonder how many of you women have sent that kind of text to to your girlfriends.

On another note...a female reader of this blog told me her man won't fuck her because he's religious and doesn't believe in full sex before marriage. I say "full" sex because she claims they do everything else, but. Seems like a strange religion. Wonder if his religious belief allows sexting.

Monday, May 7, 2012

Fate, Texts & The Smell of a Foot - PART IV

If you have yet to read Fate, Texts & The Smell of a Foot - PART III...
Here is the link:
http://thenakedtruthforwomen.blogspot.com/2012/04/fate-texts-smell-of-foot-part-iii.html

"Date #2"

Still buzzing from my incredible time with her I woke up earlier than normal…a ‘lil hungover, but still with a beaming smile on my face…I really couldn't believe how well things went with her and of course, couldn't wait to see her again.  I didn't want to play games or waste any more time with her..2 months of trying to get together was enough. I was prepared to be serious. So I asked her about getting together again and she texted back…

You know I can’t wait 2 c u again

I didn't really know!  What the hell do I know except women can change their mind at the drop of a hat.  This had nothing to do with my confidence or insecurity other than what I know about women and that's their on/off switch is peculiar at best, and often, inexplicable. The only certainty from my perspective was that I had to see her again...and soon. Her confirmation was still taken with a grain of salt.

Wednesday passed without incident. I tried not to think about her, but naturally, she was all I thought about.

On Thursday I got another text from her. This time...unsolicited.

I need to c u tonight

Wow. While I've used a variation of that line on a girl once just to convince her to stay with me the night...I never had a woman tell me that.  Not that she needed to convince me of anything at this point.  She seemed sincere in her desire to see me again...which only made me feel even more like the luckiest guy in the world.  

However, she had what appeared to be a soft rule or request...the first of several she would ultimately make.  She definitely liked to be in charge. That was her thing.  She wanted me to promise that I would leave at whatever time we set. Cause again, she had to get up early and insisted on a certain amount of sleep. 

She was headed to Vegas for the weekend to visit an old girl friend who she danced with on a cruise ship back in the day and also had some conference goingon…whatever that meant…I wanted to hear more about that….was she "dancing" in Vegas too?….I didn’t care. I mean, I guess, yeah I cared, but it wasn’t going to stop me from trying to see her.  Besides, I needed to get up too as I was thinking of taking the first flight out to Baltimore to see…another Bruce and the E Street Band show.

She had asked me to come to the concert with her and her girlfriend but I wasn't sure that was the right move.  I had no interest in pissing off the girlfriend and taking her girl away from her...and while I would have loved to have been there with her during the show...I figured I'd control myself and be cool. I'd meet her afterward for a drink.  

Not only did she text me during the day about her need to see me, but she let me know when she got to the concert, when it started...and then again...when it ended. Anyone who says they don't like it when a girl shows too much interest is full of shit.  I found it incredibly charming....and made me like her even more.

By the time she texted me to come meet her it was close to midnight…I was at my place drinking some and watching a Dave Matthews concert I had actually recorded for her...thinking forward to the day  I got her over to my place.  She seemed a bit crazed after the show...as she couldn't find her keys all of a sudden and promised to me she wasn't always "this flakey"....which only meant to me she probably was this crazy and flakey...but whatever...again...I thought it was cute.

At any rate, the original plan was to just meet for a drink somewhere, but she had other ideas. She asked if I remembered where she lived (of course) and then told me to just come over in like 20 minutes….but, I had to promise to leave by 215 (there's that control part again).  No problem….whatever she wanted.  I sarcastically asked her if she thought that would be enough time for her. And she replied….

You know it isn’t

So I said I would promise to leave if she promised not to come back with a ring from Vegas. Deal. I guess I said that to see if she was going with her boyfriend...but she really gave no indication whether she was going solo or not...and I didn't want to ask directly and make an issue of it. I was trying to live in the moment here...doing my best to not fuck it up.  She claimed she doesn’t do rings. Good enough answer.

The only thing I was still unsure of was if I needed to bring a white envelope with something inside to leave behind on her nightstand.

From the time she opened the door till she closed it behind me…I was completely blown away...

Trying to describe what she looked like when I first saw her would not do her justice…all I can say is she looked absolutely stunning standing in the doorway...angelic and exceptionally sexy. She was wearing a little blue thin cotton type teddy mini dress robe that had a soft belt loosely tied around her perfectly curved hips.  I could tell she only had a bra and panties on underneath.  She showed plenty of cleavage and leg…it was phenomenal.  I didn’t want to so much rip it off her…but slowly pull it apart, gently take my time, reveal her exquisite body one small seductive piece at a time…

She greeted me with a warm smile and I immediately went to kiss her....and she wasn't backing away.  The kiss was soft, sensual and timeless.  In truth, I was cool and calm on the outside, but inside...I was bursting....yeah, I couldn’t wait for her to be back in my arms, but first I had to go to the bathroom…I really had to go. So unfortunately, I had to prematurely end the kiss.  

When I came back from the bathroom, she led me onto her bed…

She curled up on her side against her pillows…I wish I had more than just a mental image of it now…I should have insisted on a camera phone pic....a picture that should be hanging on a wall in a fine art museum…she was glowing like a subtle burning fire that had just been lit…so comforting...so inviting…magnificent…I leaned closer as I lay on my side within inches of her…we talked about her concert and how great it was…I couldn’t take my eyes off her….I leaned in and gave her another short, gentle, tender kiss…as great as our kissing was 2 nights ago…this night was on another level…she really couldn’t wait to see me and it showed…there was more intimacy and less holding back on her part....our hands and lips were all over each other with an unbridled type of passion. 

I've never wanted to kiss someone for as long and as deep as I wanted to kiss her that night.

Only her black bra and white laced panties remained beneath the robe…as I gradually slid my hands inside it to unwrap what lay underneath. Her silky smooth skin felt immaculate…as she straddled atop me the first negotiation of the evening began.

I told her it was time to take the bra off…just like that...no messing around. I actually said, "It's time to take the bra off."

While still sitting atop me...positioned cowgirl esque she laughed and pondered the 90-day rule aloud.

Huh?...90 days? What the fuck is that? OK She's fucking with me.  I told her I never heard of that…and whatever rule she had or didn't have...that bra was coming off. Now. I knew she wanted to take it off...she just didn't want me to know it....that was her game. So I played along and then she just took it off.

However, to reassert her control...she insisted the robe was remaining on…at least partially…ha…

I told her things were coming off me…she said go ahead…take whatever you want off…no negotiation necessary…In fact, she eagerly and quickly removed my pants...shirt...everything.  To her delight and to my comfort I was suddenly full naked.  

We rolled around some more and I told her I wanted to touch and taste every inch of her…and I did…I flipped her over onto her stomach and began kissing her butt cheeks…and rubbing her inner thighs….I climbed on top of her and starting slowly rubbing back and forth against her perfect ass…I worked my way up her back till I reached her neck…I nibbled on her ear and she giggled and said it tickled…she rolled over and locked her legs around my hips…very aggressively.....And this occurred just after she had partially scolded me for being a 'lil too aggressive....ha...more of her control at play.

God I wanted her…and bad.  She climbed back on top of me and I lightly smacked her ass. She wondered aloud, "Why guys like to do that?" Clearly I wasn't the first to bang her butt.  I laughed and said "Because it’s there."…ha ha ha…No, I didn’t say that…I said it was probably because a lot of girls are turned on by it…she was not one of these girls. Or she just didn't like to let herself be dominated.  I was beginning to see a pattern....maybe this is why she's been so sexually frustrated in her previous relationships....

When it comes to sex...sometimes it''s best to just let go....surrender your control.  She has a difficult time letting "it" go.

OK. I could live without smacking her butt. I'd rather squeeze it anyway.  When it comes to fooling around and foreplay I don’t have to do anything in particular to get turned on…I’m permanently on…so the only things I do are for the woman…My only goal was to get her off…be the best lover she's ever had.....whatever it takes…that’s the thing that gets me going…I explored a little more of her and she remarked again about me being kind of aggressive so I slowed it down some...even though as you recall, she was the who had moments earlier forcefully locked her legs around my hips.

We rolled around some more and somehow, she got me flipped onto my stomach. And then she went at it  in the only way it can be described.  She began fucking me in the ass....not literally...more like very aggressively massaging her pussy over my ass…while I could tell it was getting her off....it was doing very little for me.  I hope she wasn’t suggesting some strap-on play…wanting to see how in touch I really was with my feminine side…ha…that right there was never going to happen!

While I was a bit amused by her activity I also was somewhat annoyed...as she carefully...and purposefully touched every part of my body, but my cock.  She even glided her hands between my inner thighs...carefully avoiding my dick....I wanted to call her out on it, but I also didn't want to seem like I was begging for her to touch me....I've taken a girl's hand before and encouraged her in the right direction...but this was a grown ass woman who desperately seeks to control everything in her life....and she was...uhhh...not shy....She knew what she was doing. When I shared the story with a much older girl friend of mine, this friend insisted that my girl was acting incredibly selfish and dubbed her nothing but a tease. She hated her for not grabbing my cock and thought it was completely ridiculous....given the circumstances.  Perhaps.

Then the unthinkable happened...no, not that…and not the other unthinkable either…I was managing quite well actually…remarkable really…King of the castle…totally in control….Breathe. Pause. Repeat. A woman has no idea what a guy goes through to not cum.  It's enigmatically uncomfortable and takes a tremendous amount of discipline, awareness and self control.  

The thing that happened was my phone went off…loudly....and she was like "What the hell is that?!" 

It was my 2:15 booty call.  

No...just kidding.

I had set my alarm for 2:15 before I came in because I wanted to show her I was a man who could keep a promise…and I told her that too…She really liked hearing that…I asked if she wanted me to leave....but she wasn't finished with me just yet.  Guess I scored enough points as she was more than willing to go into overtime….I know she hates the sports references…she told me she’s allergic to football…some issues with her Dad…anyway…the robe was half off her shoulders…and 100% open…only her panties remained…

As she lay on top of me I told her not to be upset, but I had brought some friends along…you know to be prepared.....hey...we’re all adults here…she smiled and playfully said, “Do I know these friends? Who are these friends?”...and I was like, “You’ll like ‘em.”  I just wanted to let her know she would not use the “I’m not having sex with you without a condom” card. She smiled again and said she wanted to wait…have something to look forward to…I had no problem with any of that…in fact, I’m glad she wanted to wait…took some pressure off of me. No guy ever thinks they're getting another shot. We get one at bat...either we hit the Homerun or we strike out. No room for anything in between. That's how we think.

She added...and I quote "You're going to have plenty of practice anyway"

That was encouraging…her body was nothing short of breathtaking and her breasts…uhhhhh ….they’re real…and they’re spectacular…ha...I couldn’t resist the Seinfeld reference …She asked me if I could believe they were real because most guys think they’re fake…and I told her they were indeed spectacular. OK she was fishing for some reassurance and an ego boost....as if the incredibly large and hard boost between my legs wasn't enough to raise her Id.

The only thing I couldn’t believe was that I was getting as far as I was getting…I say this unequivocally, no woman has ever turned me on as much as her. She told me how much she loved my body…my eyes…my slightly poofed hair atop my forehead as she ran her fingers through it… she loved my laugh….my natural scent…she even smelled, more like ferociously, inhaled under my arm…it drove her wild…that, and the smell/taste of my mouth…I laughed and told her it was a combination of Gentleman Jack & Ginger, along with Wrigley’s Spearmint gum…I don’t think I’ll ever be chewing another kind of gum or drinking anything else around her….she called me “quirky” too….that was a first…like in a Coen brothers film kind of way I’m guessing since she loves their movies…whatever that meant…I’ve been called “interesting”, “wonderful”, “an enigma wrapped in a riddle” and “a tortured soul”…and for the record, that last description came from Henry (a fearless friend who knows all about me).

Of all the things a woman has called me “quirky” might rank as the oddest…even more odd than when I was told “I need 2 see you tonight” or “I want to stay with you tonight” and “I can’t believe how much you turn me on”…neither could I…ha ha ha….but “quirky” may even top my previous personal favorite “I couldn’t wait to get back into bed with you.”

I really wanted to get her off and felt like she was intentionally holding back on me…like she was fighting it the whole time…She didn't want to give me "too" much, which makes no sense to me or any other man, but I’m sure makes all the sense in the world to her and every other women reading this.

I told her I wanted to 69 with her…after the street sign picture I sent her....but always the negotiator in  total control, she countered with a request for me to masturbate onto her stomach.  Yes. That's what she wanted.

Just to be sure, I asked if that’s what she really wanted....She said "Yes" again…and that she wanted to watch me….In retrospect I should have asked her to do the same, but who can think that quickly at a time like this....I'm surprised I was still able to think at all....

And then she told me to come closer and signaled to to climb on top of her....she carefully pushed her breasts together for me to slide my cock between them.....Not such a bad alternative after all...so I fucked her luscious mountain of love...She erotically licked her fingers...and moistened her cleavage...still, she avoided direct contact with my cock…..I came close to pushing it onto her lips...as she slowly opened her mouth, while she intently focused on me, but I wanted to be the one to tease her now.....

Despite my cautious approach, I couldn’t wait to be inside her….after a little bit of adolescent titty fucking....and still rock hard....I dropped below to go down on her some more…moving her panties aside slightly...using only my tongue and my teeth.  I loved the way she felt and tasted down there…but she seemed unwilling to totally commit to me being down there.....and I never actually tried to fully remove her panties. 

I gradually rubbed my cock against her pussy over her panties…and I asked her again if this was what she really wanted and if she was ready…she said "Yes..."  Her eyes were completely engrossed and engaged...Mystic Eyes...now I know where that song came from…btw Tom Petty does an incredible version....anyhow, I was ready to blow…a few more self inflicted strokes and I pretty much sprayed all over her like an Olympic Champion….stomach...breasts....neck...face...hair......she took it quite well…didn’t even flinch…It was quite the man size load. And I was quite proud of myself for that....and from the looks on her face she seemed more than satisfied. 

Mission Accomplished.

She scooped up a tiny bit with her finger and licked it clean...never breaking eye contact with me. That was hot. I was in love.  I tenderly rubbed another spot on her brow and went to kiss her ever so softly…intimately...then passionately harder….we flipped positions, and once again, she’s on top...straddling me…she leaned into kiss me and aggressively massage her body to mine…I lightened the intensity of the moment by asking if she was trying to give it back to me. She laughed...I do love her laugh....and said with the straightest of deliveries grinning at me right in the eye, “Not all of it."

You can’t ask for much more if you can laugh with each other during this time….she was simply incredible….and I was immediately getting hard again….a lightening quick bounce back…that’s how much she turned me on…I'll never be as turned on by another woman....it's just not possible.

I wanted to be everything to her. And I wanted to do everything with her. Photograph her. Paint her. Travel with her.  And of course...make love to her.

At least for now she apparently got everything she wanted and thought we should now begin the long goodbye…acknowledging that it would still  take a little while to get me outta’ there…and that I should get dressed…

Then she said, “You’re good, you had an orgasm.” I couldn’t believe she said it like she was doing me a favor…I don’t know if she was trying to have me cum because she really wanted me to or she just wanted to get me the hell out of there….I could have give a rat’s ass about cumming….maybe she’s never been with a guy who cared more about her pleasure than his own, but I wanted her to cum…she went to the bathroom, so I started...slowly putting my clothes back on.

When she came back....she grabbed my Hoodie before I could put it on and rubbed it against her face, deeply inhaling its smell. Damn. If that’s not being into me, I’ll never know what is.

She finally gave it back to me and I put it on. Now upright...standing face-to-face alongside her bed we started kissing again…There was only about a foot or so between her dresser and the edge of the bed.  We held each other as one...I tightly wrapped my arms around her and pressed her hard against the dresser…

Like my cum had lifted a weight off her shoulders she began responding even more than before…and so was I…

With the intensity and the heat building again, she suddenly pulled back, and repeated I had to go…that we should stop…I sat down for a second on the bed to catch my breath only to watch as she ripped her panties off and threw them to the ground right in front of me at the edge of the bed.  WTF?!…OK…I’m leaving…Yeah right…Now it was really on...I dove across her bed as she  had made her way around to the front …just standing there...asking me to go....while I was still on the bed...I grabbed her hips and pulled her closer as she stood over my mouth and I started kissing her again around her stomach...and then lower….I pulled myself to the edge of the bed and lifted her up off the ground…I stood up and pulled her into me…but once again she backed away and said…

“Steven.  Seriously, you got to get the fuck out.  I gotta’ get to sleep.”

She said my name with such strength and conviction. It was actually endearing...and a bit of a turn on. Up until this point she had only called me "Steve" or "Scalper Steve". But now she was serious....I was "Steven.".  The only two people who call me "Steven" are my Mother and chicks who get angry with me....lol. And no...I'm not turned on when my Mother calls me "Steven." C'mon....I may be a bit of a freak....but not that kind of freak.

So, regrettably...and now feeling slightly defeated....and rejected, I quietly pulled my hood over my head and put my hands in my pocket…

Well…wouldn't you know it?  That did "it" for her…She lept into my arms harder than ever and said I looked "so hot and sexy in the hood"…Yeah…I was fucking hot! I was burning up and needed to get my clothes off again…I went to sit down now on the side edge of the bed as she climbed aboard yet again and straddled me…

I firmly held her up with one hand snuggly around her ass and the other hand began working her hydrated pussy…(that means wet!)....All the while she’s shoving her tongue down my throat…and suddenly, she’s becoming a lot more vocal…Up to this point she had been fairly quiet...calm...almost zen like....but not anymore....she finally unleashed herself from her cage.

I slid another finger inside her…and then another…she was so wet…she felt amazing…and I told her so…now she’s moaning and saying things back to me…I press deeper and she’s wildly out of control…I wanted to tell her how much I wanted all of me to be inside her....but I was waiting for her to tell me. She should have been unzipping me...ordering me to fuck her. That's how it goes down.  But I held back....and so did she.

Just as she appears to be ready to climax....she suddenly backs off and says she can’t…She actually removes herself from my lap.  I could not believe it.  Other than Larry David who stops a mid-pump wack off?  Apparently Miss Madison does.

She says she can't with the roommate right next door…She continues, "I'm a screamer."  Great. Scream away. I’m like, “You’re holding back?”…she finally admits she was…I tell her to forget about the roommate…she’s not going to care…and I don’t want her to hold back at all…what I really want is to make her scream louder than she’s ever screamed before….nevertheless, she manages to shut herself down.  

Something tells me it had to do with more than just the girl next door.  Like a certain boyfriend she's still pathetically clinging to.  Either he's never given her an orgasm or she didn't want to have one with me because then she'd be totally fucked up about what to do with herself.  

Still...it was mind blowing to see it unfold as it did.  I couldn’t believe it…just like that…Over. Thanks for playing. The game was called in the bottom of the 9th with two outs and the bases loaded for no distinguishable reason. I was literally left at the plate with my dick in my hand.  It was quite remarkable…the  whole evening really.

So she backs off of me, but I can’t get up…I’m a little shaky….shit…no I didn’t cum…I just needed a second or two to gather myself…She laughed off how hard I was working…yeah…holding her up with one arm, fingering her with the other while barely sitting on the edge of the bed…and fully clothed in a full Hoodie top, sweating my ass off….yeah…I’d say there was some effort going on…

From there we eventually said our goodbyes…although, I did make her bring me a glass of water before I walked out…she thought I was stalling…but really, I was just thirsty....slightly annoyed....worked up...and exhausted.

Explicit documentation of this night was necessary in part due to the incoming text I will be receiving in the days ahead from her…cause someone is bound to say, “Oh I guess she wasn’t that into you. Dude, there is no way it went down like that.”….Well...it did go down EXACTLY as I vividly just described it.  

I didn’t get home until close to four…starving…I ate and drank some water…went on-line and checked flights to Baltimore...I was still thinking of flying later that morning to see the real love of my life...theone who never disappoints.  That would be Bruce.  I still wanted to go and felt I had the energy right now, but also knew I was running on adrenaline and by the time I took the cross country flight and landed in Baltimore later that day I’d be running on fumes…so I blew it off…I blew off Bruce…in a sense, because of a woman…but I was happy I did…anyone who can make me miss an E Street Band show has to be someone extraordinarily special…I finally hit the pillow a little after five….I decided instead to fly  a day later, on Saturday...and just head to Buffalo for the final show of the Tour. So I'd only see the last show...and not the last two. Sacrifices.

I thought I'd sleep for like 12 hours but I woke up only a few hours later…still hard for her…and I texted her so…I told her I hoped she got enough sleep and to have a great weekend in Vegas.  She said she didn’t get enough, but it was worth it and to have a great weekend too. 

I must admit I thought long and hard about flying in to Vegas that night to surprise her...just to see her reaction. I came real close to doing it too. I wanted so bad to be able to wake up next to her beautiful smiling face...I could watch her fall asleep and sleep...that's how into her I was....and I wanted to be there when she first opened her eyes....to be the first thing she saw.

Instead,  I asked her to come to Buffalo with me....stupid right? Of course it was....but when you're crazy about someone you do some silly shit. I would have paid for the whole last minute trip.  She said she couldn't because her plans were set and her friend was expecting her and that we'd get together on Monday. 

OK...I could wait...sure, what the hell...besides, what could happen to her over one weekend in Vegas?

To be continued.....