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Thursday, December 27, 2012


All men are very aware how important kissing is to women. And I'm not just talking about the first kiss. Being a "good kisser" is paramount to any sustainable relationship. The reason is simply because, to women, kissing isn't just a physical act; rather, it showcases an emotional and intimate connection. The power and allure of a kiss is why hookers and escorts tend to refrain from it...unless you're with one who's offering the in, "Girlfriend Experience."....that's what I've heard anyway.  So, what is it, specifically, that makes a man a good kisser?

Most of my entries and feelings pervaded on this site derive from an accurate sampling of the male population which ranges from random strangers to friends and family across all ages. On occasion, I relate personal stories that tend to back up what other men may think as well. But when it comes to my kissing theory, I am only going on what I know and have personally experienced for more than 20 years. 

In something that's going to now seem curiously at odds with my consistent candor and openness,  I've never had one single conversation with another man about kissing proficiency or techniques. The only time I've discussed kissing with other men is to debate who we would and would not kiss. And it's worth noting, everyone who I had this conversation with backed me up on my proclamation, which is: Men will only kiss someone they want to have sex with. And by kiss...I mean KISS. The sole stand alone was my younger married brother who thinks it's okay to just kiss anyone. Ha. I have no idea where he gets this thinking from. Not from me. And certainly not from other men. I figured though since I made such an absolute statement I'd point out there's always an exception. But go ahead. Don't take my word for it, or my brother's. Do your own survey. Ask any guy if they're wrapping their tongue around someone they have no interest in having sex with.

On the flip side, I believe women will kiss just for kissing sake with no other intentions or motives. However, unlike a man who's already established he wants to have sex with said person BEFORE the kiss, a woman can easily be transformed into now wanting to have sex AFTER a kiss. 

Another element to the kiss that I find fascinating is that most women look to the man to initiate it. At least when it comes to the first kiss. Men must be the ones to make it happen. Take control. However, that power is short lived and fleeting. And this is what I think is the hardly mentioned, almost, secret art of the "good" kiss. Men must kiss a woman exactly how she wants to be kissed.

Being a good kisser doesn't necessarily mean your technique or style is better or more skilled than another. It means you know how to follow your partner. No two people kiss the same and no two women like the same  kind of kiss. Some of you like it slow, soft and tender. Some of you like it passionate, strong and deep. Some of you like it both ways. Sometimes it depends on your mood, the situation, the environment....the moon. In other words, until we touch lips there's no way of predicting or knowing how you wish to be  handled.

How quickly and smoothly a guy transitions to how the woman wants to kiss determines whether or not he is a "good" kisser. Now, I'm not saying a man cannot move the kiss forward or back on his own. What I'm saying is that he has to properly assess if it's OK to do so. Proceed, but proceed with caution. A good kisser   knows when to take the lead, when to back off, when to much tongue to use...all of these things require an accurate feeling what the woman wants, likes...and perhaps, needs in that moment.  Any misread by the man and his kissing prowess drops. 

When it comes to kissing a woman the key is much the same as with other things. Give her what she wants.

*I've added this last note after the initial posting because after a female friend of mine read the entry she asked me if guys can be turned away from a woman if she's a bad kisser they will no longer want to have sex with her? That's a very good question, and not sure why I didn't address it earlier. So here goes. Yes. A man can be turned off by how a woman kisses him; however, not so turned off to the point where he suddenly decides not to have sex with you. We may just end up kissing you less, or just suck it up until we're finished. Literally.  More than likely, what it does mean is that we won't continue to see you or date you on any regular basis. 

Monday, December 10, 2012


Men know perfectly well that cuddling is something all women want to sex....women are always up for a good cuddle. 

As a man, I understand the's warm, comforting, loving. It's an intrinsic human connection that is both physical and emotional. In its basic nature, it's rather innocent. I even know a woman in Los Angeles who throws "cuddle" parties in her home for people who lack intimacy in their lives or just want to feel "connected" to another human being. I get it. But women should also be very aware of how men think about cuddling, because it's quite different from the female perspective. And when I say "how men think" what I really mean is, how ALL men think.

To a heterosexual man, the cuddle can be all of the things I just described above, but it's also a gateway to sex. Check that. It's ALWAYS a gateway to sex. 

Now, before you go and get your panties in a twisted knot, I'm NOT saying we ONLY cuddle in hopes of sex....what I'm saying is, if we cuddle with you, we are going to WANT sex. That is a natural response from a normal heterosexual man. And no man should ever have to apologize for wanting more than just a cuddle from an attractive woman. Any physical contact with a woman we find attractive is going to arouse us. We're that easy.  Like it or not, it's  how we're wired. This goes for dirty dancing too.  And our sensational response to that kind of physical contact needs to be respected.

I know what you're thinking too. What about when we cuddle with women we're not attracted to?  Easy. We never do that. We're only cuddling, giving neck and back massages and rubbing feet with women we're attracted to. Any man who discounts this practice is one of two things. Gay. Or full of shit.

I recently told a woman that I could not cuddle with her because I knew we were not going to have sex, so why would I tease, torture and afflict myself with a frustrating and discomforting case of blue balls?  Because that's exactly what would have happened. She was sad to hear it and couldn't quite understand why "cuddling" was such a big deal. And why couldn't I just enjoy it for simply what it was?

The reason we can't enjoy the cuddle for cuddle sake is because men are extreme sexual beings....much more so than women. This doesn't make us dirty dogs or sexually deviant. In fact, what it makes us is perfectly healthy men. Or perhaps, we're just not nearly as "evolved" as women. I'm willing to acknowledge women can departmentalize and separate sex from every other activity that isn't "sex".  It's really an amazing skill. Men cannot do this. We're always thinking about it or have the instant capacity to think of matter how presently removed we may be from a sexual situation. Nothing can stop the thoughts from entering our mind. We could be cleaning dog shit off our shoes and a pretty woman could appear in our line of sight and we'll still think about her sexually. Bad example. OK, so maybe we are a bit of a collective dirty dog. Don't like it? You can always go lesbian.

Personally, I love cuddling, but I'm also still highly indifferent toward sex. I have no desire to pursue it, much less have it. However, if you stick an attractive woman's beautiful ass against my cock and expect me to snuggle up and hold her tight against my body...I'm automatically going to start thinking about and wanting sex. Men are not built with the strict on/off switch that women possess. We can't just "shut it down" or turn away a pending orgasm....yes...we may have emotional or physical or drug related issues that prevent us from performing, but no man can just decide to stop when he actively wants to have sex, and when he's already engaged in the process. If we shut it down it's only because we no longer want to have sex because you're yelling "STOP!" or we suddenly don't want to cheat on our partner, if we have one.  Those are about the only two explanations for not "finishing."  In every other case...there is no stop sign ahead for us. Our light is always set to green.

Marijuana is commonly referred to as a "gateway" drug by its opponents. Well, to men...cuddling is our gateway drug to the land of hope, dreams and....nakedness.

Monday, December 3, 2012

Chris Rock's Differences Between Men & Women

I caught a replay of Chris Rock's stand up special, Kill the Messenger, the other night and while I've seen it before...I forgot how much he talked about the differences between men and women. Yes he's a comedian...and yes he's trying to make us laugh...but he also speaks the truth...the naked truth on how men think...all men. In Rock we trust. Trust me.

However, I must provide a disclaimer. Most, if not all of what you ladies are about to hear, you will not agree with, nor will you be particularly flattered by Rock's commentary. But it is how accurate in how men perceive the differences between us. The truth isn't always pretty...but, it's usually pretty funny.

Among the highlights from his routine...."Dick is free, pussy costs money"......"What do women want? EVERYTHING."...."Woman cannot go back in lifestyle, men cannot go back sexually." 

Take 8 minutes and watch this. If nothing else, you'll have some inappropriate material for a future dinner conversation.
Chris Rock - Differences Between Men & Women