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Saturday, October 1, 2011

Understanding Men

Men are all dirty dogs.

Now that we got the obligatory stereotype out of the way....we are actually more like a 30-second beer commercial. Ask a man what he wants and he's got a 1-word answer before you even finish the question. Men want women. Everything we do, everything we say...the cars we drive...the jobs we do...all geared around our strengths which will hopefully attract women. If we act like an idiot, it's because somehow whatever we think we're doing or not doing will attract a woman. We can't help it. We know what we want. We just don't know how to get it. Show me a man who claims he knows to understand a woman and I'll show you a man who knows nothing. Thanks to Producer Robert Evans for that piece of wisdom.

But here's the biggest conception. Just because we're a 30-second beer commercial does not mean we're void of any feeling or depth. Quite the contrary. In those 30 seconds we're fully capable of showcasing every emotion possible. Many women make the mistake of thinking because we're such animals about sex and other neanderthal interests we're not carrying around the same sensitivities, fears and insecurities as women. Truth be told, I think men are even more emotional than women. We're just able to mask it better. Boys don't cry right?

On the other hand, women are a 90-minute film starring Helen Hunt asking "What Women Want." Granted, women want men; but somehow, it's much more complicated than that. They think they know how to get what they think they want...for now. Tomorrow, it could change. Men are like a rock. For the most part, we ain't changing.

I came across a professional female owned and operated website that's worth checking out. Alison Armstrong created the site along with seminars and workshops for women specifically designed to help them understand men. More importantly, she shares how to look at them in a more positive, loving way. Alison writes about how a girl friend one day pointed out how she demasculated men in her behavior and attitude, including how she was treating her young son. Alison was horrified to learn of her reality. She didn't even realize the negative affect she was having on the men she tried to love. She kept blaming them and who they were...or were not; when the reality was she was preventing them from being who she actually needed them to be.  Her main point is that women will never be happy with their man until they learn to accept, understand and allow the man to be who he is and who he wants to be.

I've never met Alison nor have I attended any of her seminars and workshops, but I can tell you what I've read moved me to the point I think it should be required reading for every mother to their daughter. And for those mothers who raise sons, enabling him to be a "mamma's boy" is a dangerous game to play. While you may enjoy his constant affections and grown woman really want to date a Mamma's boy? A guy can love his mother to death, but a mamma's boy? That's a demasculine man who's far too in touch with his feminine side. What you end up with is a hairy woman.

While it may be too late to change a man, it's never too late for a woman to learn how to help herself.