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Thursday, December 27, 2012


All men are very aware how important kissing is to women. And I'm not just talking about the first kiss. Being a "good kisser" is paramount to any sustainable relationship. The reason is simply because, to women, kissing isn't just a physical act; rather, it showcases an emotional and intimate connection. The power and allure of a kiss is why hookers and escorts tend to refrain from it...unless you're with one who's offering the in, "Girlfriend Experience."....that's what I've heard anyway.  So, what is it, specifically, that makes a man a good kisser?

Most of my entries and feelings pervaded on this site derive from an accurate sampling of the male population which ranges from random strangers to friends and family across all ages. On occasion, I relate personal stories that tend to back up what other men may think as well. But when it comes to my kissing theory, I am only going on what I know and have personally experienced for more than 20 years. 

In something that's going to now seem curiously at odds with my consistent candor and openness,  I've never had one single conversation with another man about kissing proficiency or techniques. The only time I've discussed kissing with other men is to debate who we would and would not kiss. And it's worth noting, everyone who I had this conversation with backed me up on my proclamation, which is: Men will only kiss someone they want to have sex with. And by kiss...I mean KISS. The sole stand alone was my younger married brother who thinks it's okay to just kiss anyone. Ha. I have no idea where he gets this thinking from. Not from me. And certainly not from other men. I figured though since I made such an absolute statement I'd point out there's always an exception. But go ahead. Don't take my word for it, or my brother's. Do your own survey. Ask any guy if they're wrapping their tongue around someone they have no interest in having sex with.

On the flip side, I believe women will kiss just for kissing sake with no other intentions or motives. However, unlike a man who's already established he wants to have sex with said person BEFORE the kiss, a woman can easily be transformed into now wanting to have sex AFTER a kiss. 

Another element to the kiss that I find fascinating is that most women look to the man to initiate it. At least when it comes to the first kiss. Men must be the ones to make it happen. Take control. However, that power is short lived and fleeting. And this is what I think is the hardly mentioned, almost, secret art of the "good" kiss. Men must kiss a woman exactly how she wants to be kissed.

Being a good kisser doesn't necessarily mean your technique or style is better or more skilled than another. It means you know how to follow your partner. No two people kiss the same and no two women like the same  kind of kiss. Some of you like it slow, soft and tender. Some of you like it passionate, strong and deep. Some of you like it both ways. Sometimes it depends on your mood, the situation, the environment....the moon. In other words, until we touch lips there's no way of predicting or knowing how you wish to be  handled.

How quickly and smoothly a guy transitions to how the woman wants to kiss determines whether or not he is a "good" kisser. Now, I'm not saying a man cannot move the kiss forward or back on his own. What I'm saying is that he has to properly assess if it's OK to do so. Proceed, but proceed with caution. A good kisser   knows when to take the lead, when to back off, when to much tongue to use...all of these things require an accurate feeling what the woman wants, likes...and perhaps, needs in that moment.  Any misread by the man and his kissing prowess drops. 

When it comes to kissing a woman the key is much the same as with other things. Give her what she wants.

*I've added this last note after the initial posting because after a female friend of mine read the entry she asked me if guys can be turned away from a woman if she's a bad kisser they will no longer want to have sex with her? That's a very good question, and not sure why I didn't address it earlier. So here goes. Yes. A man can be turned off by how a woman kisses him; however, not so turned off to the point where he suddenly decides not to have sex with you. We may just end up kissing you less, or just suck it up until we're finished. Literally.  More than likely, what it does mean is that we won't continue to see you or date you on any regular basis.