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Wednesday, February 22, 2012

A Man's Want vs A Man's Need for Sex

The subject came up on The Howard Stern Show today after actor William Shatner paid a visit and discussed his sex life with his Bride of 12 years. After the interview, long time side kick Robin Quivers explained how she learned the difference through her seminar with Alison Armstrong  It's what I've been saying for years, and something many women simply do not grasp.

Everyone wants sex. No one's disputing this fact.  However, according to Alison, an acclaimed and respected expert in the field.....and to me, The Naked Truther...a slightly less acclaimed need sex like they need food, water and air. And if we don't get it we become animals. Howard added irritable, out-of-control and obsessed. Robin agreed and went on to say how Alison claims it's something natural, built into how men are wired physiologically.

That all may be may in fact be a chemical testosterone fueled trait.  However, I look at from a far more psychological perspective.  Men need sex to feel like more of a man.  We're not all that we can be unless we're naked with a woman and inside her. Call it ridiculous or silly or even immature, just know it's the truth. Men need constant ego and confidence boosting and the easiest and most effective method is for us to have sex with you. Masturbation doesn't solve our problem. We masturbate because we need to...not because we want to. Whereas women have told me they often prefer to take care of themselves in place of going through the effort, process or time involved in getting the real deal. This is the biggest difference in how men and women think. I promise you, no man is ever going to choose his hand over a woman's; nor would we ever prefer a sock or an apple pie over any one of your available inviting openings.

Since I mentioned it....what the hell.....

These scenarios from the film American Pie took place because Jason Biggs did not have an available woman to feel his immediate need. Do you really think there was a "want" with the sock and the pie? Maybe a little curiosity...but definitely not a want. Only crazy shit like that could come from "need."

A man not having sex not only feels horny and frustrated just like you do, but he also feels like a bit of a loser.

I've had the Want vs the Need conversation with my Uncle who's now in his 60's and who still very much enjoys and wants sex. His libido is as strong as ever.  Only his need has slowed.  And he attributes it in part to maturing and realizing sex no longer validates him as a man.  He's embraced the other qualities that feed his confidence and manhood. Things like being in a healthy loving respectful in which he's appreciated.  And that's the key to unlocking the want vs the need for sex dilemma with a man.  My Uncle's been able to break through and get past his insecurity...because he's now comfortable with himself knowing how much he's appreciated by his partner.  He admits it took a very long time to get to this place. Many men never get there and will always have that insatiable appetite and need for sex....a need that can never ultimately be satisfied.

Until a man is right in the big head...the little head will continue to have needs that need to be addressed. Which brings me to Robin's final point...which she perfectly stated on air.

"Don't starve your man."

We're hungry so let us eat. And please let us have sex.  If you want to keep it simple.....Feed us and Fuck us. No use fighting mother nature here. Like it or not, it works.

However, if you're actually interested in your man being more, show how much you appreciate him...not just with your body, but with your heart. Men respond to emotional connections as much as women, but we're affected by them in very different ways. Tell us we matter.  Showing us you care and giving a shit about how we feel and what we're thinking will go a long way to making us feel more like the man you want us to be, and the man we need to be.

On the surface we may appear to be all about the sex....but underneath, it's about a lot more.