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Saturday, February 4, 2012

Do You Want to be His "Cake"? or Just "The Cherry on Top"?

I've heard from a lot of women that they have no interest in being their man's "everything." They do not want the pressure of living up to his life long desires, let alone daily needs. "Have your own life" they say. And above all, "Do not depend on me for your happiness."  A girl friend of mine, who recently ended a 7-year relationship, found herself thinking about this very thing, what she wants to be in her her next relationship. And she said, "I just want to be the cherry on top for him." As if that should be enough. 

When you love something or someone can it ever be "enough?" 

I understood perfectly what she was trying to tell me and even though I debated with her about the ideology behind it she still didn't think I got it. Believe me. I get it. 

What I get is that her goal is to not feel the burden that comes with intimacy. 

What's wrong with being someone's Light? Muse? Inspiration? Sure it takes its toll. It's a lot of responsibility, but that's what comes with real love. If we see you as such for us you don't need to do anymore. We love you for who you are, not for what we want you to be. So you can relax. You are enough. But how much we want to love you? That will never able to be measured.

If you want to just casually date or sleep around then by all means be his sweet tasty non-committed cherry. But if you're looking for a serious, meaningful, loving relationship you should revel in being his cake. Or pie. Men love pie...especially the home made kind. Perhaps even a cherry pie. Let him eat. He's hungry.

Another woman who discussed her previous failed relationships with me also knew exactly what was missing, and what she wanted from her next one, almost opposite from what my girl friend was seeking.  She said she wants to be with someone who, if sick or battling illness, does not want to die because he doesn't want to leave her alone. And same goes for her. She wishes to feel so strongly about someone that she wouldn't want to die either and to leave him behind. That's love. And that sure ain't no cherry on top. That's the whole cake with a side of a whipped cream and big fucking plate of cherries on top.

No one's going to have a Crazy Heart for you from being the cherry on top.

Nor will they Drive All Night just to buy you some shoes from being the cherry on top.

And they certainly won't say "You complete me" from being the cherry on top.

The Cake verse The Cherry question is a simple one.  Do you want to be with someone who's just happy to see you? Or do you want to be with someone who can't wait to see you?