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Saturday, May 12, 2012

To Care? or Not to Care?...That is the Question

I had a heated discussion today with a woman with who I had some unresolved issues with and she asked me "Why do you care so much?"

That's a very good question because it seems to be on the minds of a number of women.  Maybe it's asked because most women are so use to most men acting like they don't give a shit they instinctively think something's wrong when one does. It  blows their mind. Freaks them out. That's what another girl friend of mine said who I've known for more than 20 years. She says "If you care too much too soon we are freaked out by that."

Think about this. What you're telling men is that you shouldn't care until you let us know it's OK. We're on your clock. Or worse, we should just wait for you to be pissed at us for not caring enough...after all, when you're ready to care about us, only then shall we better damn well care.

Another by product from knowing you don't like us caring what you think may be too much too soon is that we fake it with you. We intentionally act like we don't care. While we do, we hide it from you because we know what your potential reaction might be. I know plenty of men that will confirm that it's just best to act like you don't care. You've trained us well ladies. Bravo. Except for the small percentage of men like myself....who show their heart early and often....for that I'm harshly attacked.  So what we've learned is that Lying...not being honest with your feelings...certainly not sharing any real emotion early on...those are all solid building blocks for a healthy future relationship. Yet, that's exactly the blueprint women put forth when they ask "Why do you care so much?"

Me caring actually got this woman angry.  Now, how does that sound?

Time is always an issue when it comes to caring too, right?  You should only care as much as is relative to the time you know each other. Naturally my friend from 20 years I should care about a helluva lot more than if I know you for 5 months...yes?...To a degree. But what about a total stranger? Should I not give a shit about them just because I don't know them? That's not being very much of a humanitarian or warm and loving of thy neighbor. It's easy for us to care about people we know well....but your true colors come out in how you treat and act toward people you barely know.

For me...and I guess I'm very different than the average man here....if I meet you...and I like you...I'm going to care about you....immediately. You can argue maybe I'm like this because I have a hard time letting things "go" or I'm just too sensitive, but I think it's more about my personality and the sacred value I place on relationships and connections. I find it insulting, callous and inhumane to simply dismiss people just because of how long, or more accurately, how little you know them for.

To all the women who are just as quick to dismiss someone for caring too much too soon...good luck with all the men who don't give a shit. You shouldn't have a problem finding them. There's plenty of 'em out there.