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Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Things Women Have Said to Me...Before/After a First Kiss

The only introduction necessary for this post is....
All of these non-embellished quotes came from different women.
I have a very good memory.
I'm a fantastic kisser.
Don't doubt it. I am.

SCENE:  She's sitting on my lap in a sofa chair in a late night crowded NYC lounge. It was well into our first date. We had yet to kiss.

"Let me see your hands. The last guy I dated, his hands couldn't cover my breasts. I can't date anyone whose hand can't cover my breast."

MY REAX:  I get it. But in any guy's defense, she did possess above average breasts.  After she took my hand, inspected it and then held it up, she said, "You passed." While she may have been giving me the green light to go ahead and touch her...for some unknown reason I did not. Instead, I just smiled as cool as James Bond ice, and said "Good." As for the first kiss, which came on her doorstep a bit later in the evening, it's the kiss which all other kisses are measured against.

SCENE:  After making out for the first time on our first date, first ferociously on the street and then later in the front seat of her car she abruptly stopped, dramatically pulled back and exclaimed:

"Ugh! Thank you for ruining my life! I thought I had everything figured out."

MY REAX:   WTF?!  While I knew this girl was having sexual problems with her boyfriend (she told me so earlier in the night) she just verbally confirmed what I knew from how she kissed me back...I had just rocked her world and now she had no idea what to do with the "other" guy, or me for that matter.  Oh...and she's also crazy. But I guess I'm attracted to extra crazy because I know it translates to crazier sex.  Still, despite her misplaced excitement, it was kind of flattering...even if it was a bit twisted. Nevertheless, her revealing speech did not stop with just the one comment...or one long kiss for that matter.  We continued until....

"This is torture!"

MY REAX:  OK. Really? I should have just walked out of the car at this point, but I told I could have continued to kiss her the rest of the night (or the rest of my life...which was the truth) which then led to this pleasant exchange:

"You've got to get out. Now! Get the fuck out....No wait. One more. Don't go."

MY REAX:  OK. She was right. This was now officially torture. This kind of exchange went back and forth several more times before we ultimately ended up back at her place with her straddled on top of me in her bed. This after she had previously insisted:

"You are not coming back to my place tonight."

MY REAX:  For some reason all women need to sternly declare these things upfront. Things they have no intention of ever following, but need to be said anyway for their own psyche. I've been there before. I understand. You don't want us to think you're easy or worse...a whore. It's OK. We don't think either of those things. We just think you're horny and incredibly turned on by us. Nothing negative at all. All good. So, save the theatre class charades for your acting coach and let your heart and fire down below do all the talking. Take a deep breath. Relax. And let our head do all the work. Lol.

SCENE:  After spending more than an hour flirting and talking in a bar, I followed closely behind her as we made our way through a crowded dance floor. She suddenly turned around, and without hesitating, saying nothing, I grabbed her hip and gently pulled her close to me, kissing her as passionately and as softly as I could, which generated the following first reaction:

"You kiss so passionately."

MY REAX:  Granted, it was a first kiss, and yes, I intentionally kissed her with maybe more passion than deserved...but really? She was complaining about too much passion? Maybe she would have preferred no passion. OK maybe less...I think she was just surprised at my commitment to the kiss. We did however kiss again...and again...until her butch lesbian girlfriend (not kidding) showed up claiming...more like demanding it was "girls" night out and proceeded to shut down the night for me.

SCENE:  We were back at my place after going to see her favorite band, The Toadies. She had already asked to stay the night, but I still wasn't sure what exactly was going to happen. We had yet to hook up, let alone kiss. She was in the middle of breaking up with her boyfriend of two years and there was no real indication to this point there was a possibility of crossing the line of our prior friendship. And although she was "done" with him I honestly wasn't sure how into me she may have been.  To make a long story short we ended up fooling around, and as things progressed, and got more intense, she said:

"You don't have to kiss me so lovingly....I want you to dominate me."

MY REAX:  I knew ahead of time this was not a sexually shy put it mildly.  Although knowing what I did about her past it still sort of caught me by surprise that she wanted me to be so aggressive with her. As crazy as it sounds, I wasn't up for it like I needed to be. I was still dealing with my own shit with women and while I was totally attracted to just didn't feel right. Nevertheless, I tossed her around a little bit and I did manage to finger bang the fuck our of her...much to her pleasure.

SCENE:  She began flirting with me as soon as she entered the plane. We were sitting across the aisle from one another, drinking, talking, listening to my iPod together. At the time we were sharing my headsets, both of us leaned slightly into the aisle. She was looking at me with the kind of eyes that girls use to look into a guy, not just at. So, I leaned in a little closer, and ever so gently, kissed her warm inviting lips.  After pulling away she softly uttered:


MY REAX:  In there.

SCENE:  We had been talking to each other for about a month by the time we spent much of Sunday together. We ended up back at her place on her couch, drinking...when we finally kissed.  After a couple of minutes she pulled back and inquired:

"Why didn't you tell me you liked me before Friday?"

MY REAX:  WTF?!  And WTF happened on Friday?!  She went on to tell me she had a first date with a guy she had known for months that ended up being the best first date of her life and now she's "head over heels for him." So, what did that have to do with us right now at this moment? And if I told you on Thursday I liked you would you not have gone out with him on Friday? Exactly. What I was really wondering was did she ask because she did like me, but didn't think I was interested and is now caught in a WTF situation herself.  We didn't talk much after that night because in some ways she thought I betrayed her for making her think I had no interest. By the time we finally talked seriously about what happened nearly 3 months later she claimed to not recall ever asking me that question, despite remembering pretty much everything else about the evening.  That first reaction she had?...a complete blank.  And now here's the kicker:

"That's crazy. Why would I even say that? You should have just dismissed it as 'drunk girl' talk."

MY REAX:  Perhaps. But I do recall her being extremely coherent and lucid...fully aware of what was going on and what she was saying at the time. We even kissed many more times that night.  Can you imagine if I had told her back then, "Hey you're nuts."  Whatever the case, she now claims that it wouldn't have mattered if I told her "before Friday" because she was never interested. OK. I told her most people believe your true feelings come out when you're drunk. Once again, she denied that to be the case. OK.