Masturbation

For Pleasure or For necessity?  That is the singular question for a man.

Do we masturbate because it feels good to us or do we do it to keep from bursting? And by bursting I mean both our heads are so completely engorged with thoughts of sexual desire that our minds can't focus on anything else and our genitalia feels like it's going to explode with such painful ferocity if we don't tend to our fire down below properly. Although unlike a woman's actual heat rising like a phoenix out of her genitalia a man's "fire" is more metaphorical.....it's not a raw thermal increase we experience...our sensation is more abstract and less defined. While we do get hard....it's much more of a psychological need that's fueling us to "finish" than you would think.

Guys are somewhat split on the pleasure v necessity things in a sense some guys claim to enjoy it immensely and look forward to doing it while others simply do it because they need the eventual release...be it from unfulfilled desires to tension to just helping get to sleep. 

And then there's doing it before a big date or going out for the night in search of the hook up. Not only does it take the edge off, but it allows us to reload and helps us last longer should we get to do the real deal later that night with an actual woman in our presence, rather than just with a woman in our minds.

Clearly, frustration from not having sex is the main masturbation motivator for men. Then again, I also know guys who claim to jerk off multiple times a day even though they're still getting laid regularly. These guys fall into the self gratifying "pleasure" people....and all of these types that I know, the ones who thoroughly enjoy doing it, are all total narcissists.

I won't even begin to try and compare our "need" to a woman's, but I will try to describe it further. Like I said in the opening paragraph once we become consumed by sexual thoughts and perversions we literally cannot move on until we jerk off. Whether it's a slow build or sudden impulse, the game plays out the same every time. Eventually, we have to take care of business. What most women will probably find shocking and disgusting is how little we need to trigger us.

Never mind the thoughts and memories we have about our current and former lovers, any random woman we encounter during the day....be it, in person, on TV, on a billboard, in a magazine, at the bank or in line at the check-out at the grocery store can get our juices flowing.  You are correct to claim men are animals, but only in the sexual sense. No emotional attachment is necessary for us to want to fuck you, let alone masturbate to you. If we see a hot chick, no matter the circumstance, chances are we will be rubbing one out to her sooner rather than later.

Lately, I've been actively trying to keep my urges down, in effect, training myself to be desireless.  I am not one of those habitual masturbating narcissists. As I've gotten older, I've grown tired of being controlled by my sex drive. It has not been an easy thing to suppress, especially as a high a drive as I've had my entire life.

Medical experts appear to be split on the health benefits to masturbating. While the act itself is deemed natural, normal and safe...what does it say about one's own frustrations and needs if you're doing it a lot. How much is too much? Probably the answer lies with the individual. If you feel like you are doing it too much then you probably are.

I have a friend who claims to masturbate 3-4 times a day.? Do you think that's too much? Does he?

Before marriage Richard Christy from the Howard Stern Show reserved Friday nights for Masturbation where he'd stay in all night to watch porn and pleasure himself. He openly talked about it and how much he looked forward to Friday nights at home, alone.

Staying with the Howard Stern show...a rich emporium for masturbation...Wrap-up Show Host Jon Hein claims he doesn't do it at all so he can save all of himself for his wife. He thinks it's cheating in a way if he does it without her.  Long time show contributor and fan Melrose Larry Green proudly told me he doesn't like to finish....he actually loves the build up part and not the climax....a bit odd, but whatever gets you off...even if that means not getting off per se.

Comedian Louis CK devoted an entire episode of his TV show Louie to it where he announced "I'm a good citizen. I'm a good father. I recycle. And I masturbate." Here's a clip.

And then there's the Master of Masturbation Larry David who shined a new light on being Lord of the Manor and King of the Castle, asking us all who is master of their domain.

I'll tell you a couple of personal masturbation stories....besides just the countless times I came home drunk and came...a little while later....intoxication does slow down the process...or help hold out ...does it do the same for women or actually increase their rate of pleasure? I wonder. I'll have to ask a woman that.

So I was at my apartment pool and this girl was laying out on her back. Her ass was absolutely magnificent, glistening under the California sun. She also had her bikini bottom rolled up so as much of her butt cheeks as possible could tan...I was trying my best to concentrate and read, but every few seconds I had to glance up...I couldn't help myself. It was like an insatiable magnetic force drawing my eyes to look in her direction. There was no escape. I was caught in the gravitational pull of her sexual tractor beam. We ended up leaving together (at the same time...not actually together), only cause once I saw her get up to leave there really wasn't any reason for me to stick around. We made some small talk and she smiled at me as she walked away....and that's all it took....for my trigger.

The next day, I decided to take care of myself before going down to the pool, just in case she was there again.  Well, sure as shit, when I went out there she was there again. And this time she smiled at me as soon as she saw me...like she knew....even before I entered the pool area. That's all it took. Again. Only this time, I actually went back upstairs immediately to TCOB.....by the time I returned she was gone. Good. Now I'd finally be able to concentrate on reading.

The other story worth sharing is a bit more explicit. You've been warned.

I once had a woman specifically request for me to masturbate onto her. We were messing around hot 'n heavy and she didn't want to have full sex yet and instead asked if I would masturbate onto her. Not for her to jerk me off, but for me to handle myself, and then finish on her. She actually said "I want you to masturbate onto me." And I asked...just so there was no misunderstanding, "Are you sure that's what you want?" . She said, "Yes. That's what I want."  While it was the first time I had received such a direct invitation I knew it was hot and that she was going to get off on the idea behind me doing it to her and because of her...while she watched.  To her credit, she did ask me to titty fuck her first.

Of course, I was also aware the request was all part of her sexual manipulation and need to remain in control. This was an issue that would become even more clear about a half hour later when I turned the tables.  She was trying to say goodbye to me, but instead, she leaped...thrusted more like it....into my arms and attacked me so aggressively I now found myself holding her tightly in my lap as I sat, half hung off the edge of the bed...her legs wrapped around me. One of her my arms tightly gripped around her hips while the other worked my way down her body...letting my fingers do the walking and...the banging...I entered her with a determined tenderness...she responded with as much passion and excitement as you may expect. As I continued to masturbate her she grew closer and closer to an orgasm.....and then out of nowhere, seemingly just as she was about to finish...she tore herself off of me...stopping in "mid pump" to quote Larry David...I felt like Jeff who said to Larry, "Who stops a wack-off mid-pump?" Apparently this woman does. She admitted to "holding back" on me and most likely did so because she had a boyfriend who she was seriously conflicted by...guess she felt an orgasm for her was the "cheating" part. The question is...did she ultimately finish herself after she threw me out moments later.

Here's the clip from Curb btw.

One thing I can't figure out is why a woman ever masturbates unless she's in a monogamous relationship and her man is out of town or unavailable for some phone/Skype sex action. ....I was just told by a female friend that one reason women masturbate is to "climax" cause sex doesn't necessarily do it for them. Ah. I get it. No wonder so many women devalue sex with a guy....it really does do nothing for them.

Women say "Oh we get horny too. We just don't go around fucking everyone who triggers us downstairs." I say, 'Why the hell not?!'  If that woman from the pool told me she thought I was so sexy and either she was headed upstairs to take care of herself or I could....do you think there would be a question of me going with her? I'd be so honored and turned on by her invitation she'd either have the best sex of her life...or the quickest....more likely.  Regardless, it would have been spectacularly raw and passionate, that's for certain.   

Many women are disgusted by the thought of a man they just met going home to masturbate to them. "Oooooh. gross." I think is what they say.  If men knew every woman they met in a day were masturbating to them later that night they would be so completely flattered and ego enhanced ...we'd be in a constant state of blissful euphoria.  Masturbating to someone is the most remarkable natural compliment a human can offer. Other species don't masturbate...probably cause they're getting enough sex so they don't need to. You want to stop men from masturbating to you...then have sex with him. Yeah, that's an ideal that is not practical, so instead...just embrace it....accept it and don't worry about it...just be happy.

Now if you'll excuse me...I need to go masturbate.

Recommended Viewing

These Films and TV shows provide a realistic glimpse into a man's mind and are personal favorites of The Naked Truther. Not only should you watch all of these, but they're a good "test" for your man, that is if you're looking for a man who's sensitive, emotional and romantic.  While none of these selections would be considered classic chick flicks they all contain critical elements that emit similar reactions. For instance, if your man doesn't instantly become emotional by the end of "Definitely, Maybe", then he's not capable...and never will be. Dump him. And dump him fast. If you don't care about this sort of thing in your man then this list probably is not for you...and neither is this blog.

Films
The Graduate (1967) - Dustin Hoffman, Anne Bancroft, Katharine Ross
Rocky (1976) - Sylvestor Stallone, Talia Shire
Fast Times at Ridgemont High (1982) - Sean Penn, Jennier Jason Leigh, Phoebe Cates, Judge Reinhold
Romancing the Stone (1984) - Michael Douglas, Kathleen Turner, Danny DeVito
Back to the Future (1985) - Michael J. Fox, Lea Thompson
Fatal Attraction (1987) - Michael Douglas, Glenn Close
Bull Durham (1988)- Kevin Costner, Susan Sarondon, Tim Robbins
Cocktail (1988) - Tom Cruise, Elisabeth Shue
Fabulous Baker Boys (1989) - Jeff and Beau Bridges, Michelle Pfeiffer
When Harry Met Sally (1989) - Billy Crystal, Meg Ryan
He Said, She Said (1991) - KKevin Bacon, Elizabeth Perkins
Other People's Money (1991) - Danny DeVito, Gregory Peck, Penelope Ann Miller
Doc Hollywood (1991) - Michael J. Fox, Julie Warner, Woody Harrelson
Frankie and Johnny (1991) - Al Pacino, Michelle Pfeiffer
Basic Instinct (1992) - Michael Douglas, Sharon Stone
Clueless (1995) - Paul Rudd, Alicia Silverstone
Jerry Maguire (1996) - Tom Cruise, Rene Zellweger, Cuba Gooding, Jr., Kelly Preston
One Fine Day (1996) - George Clooney, Michelle Pfeiffer
Swingers (1996) - Jon Favreau, Vince Vaughn
Fools Rush In (1997)- Matthew Perry, Salma Hayek
Wedding Singer (1998) - Adam Sandler, Drew Barrymore
You've Got Mail (1998) - Tom Hanks, Meg Ryan
Cast Away (2000) - Tom Hanks, Helen Hunt
Almost Famous (2000) - Kate Hudson
100 Girls (2000) - Emmanuelle Chriqui
High Fidelity (2000) - John Cusak, Jack Black, Bruce Springsteen
State and Main (2000) - Philip Seymour Hoffman, Alec Baldwin, Sarah Jessica Parker
Serendipity (2001) - John Cusak, Kate Beckinsale, Jeremy Piven
Seabiscuit (2003) - Tobey Maguire, Jeff Bridges
The Cooler (2003) - William H. Macy, Alec Baldwin, Maria Bello
50 First Dates (2004) - Adam Sandler, Drew Barrymore
Wedding Crashers (2005) - Vince Vaughn, Owen Wilson
Cutlass (2007) - Short directed by Kate Hudson starring Virginia Madson, Kristen Stewart, Dakota Fanning and Kurt Russell
I Could Never Be Your Woman (2007) - Paul Rudd, Michelle Pfeiffer
.....you can't go wrong with Michelle Pfeiffer
Knocked Up (2007) - Seth Rogen, Paul Rudd, Leslie Mann, Katherine Heigl
Definitely, Maybe (2008) - Ryan Reynolds, Isla Fisher
Forgetting Sarah Marshall (2008) - Jason Segel, Kristen Bell, Mila Kunis, Russel Brand
Up in the Air (2009) - George Clooney, Vera Farmiga
Crazy Heart  (2009) - Jeff Bridges, Maggie Gyllenhaal
Barney's Version (2010) - Paul Giamatti
God of Love (2011) - Oscar winning short avail on iTunes. Download it.

TV
Moonlighting (1985-1989) - Bruce Willis, Cybill Shepherd
Cheers (1982-1993)- Ted Danson, Shelley Long, Kirstie Alley
Seinfeld (1990-1998) - Jerry Seinfeld, Jason Alexander, Julia Louis Dreyfuss, Michael Richards
Curb Your Enthusiasm (2000-present) - Larry David, Jeff Garlin
Californication (2007-present) - David Duchovny, Natscha McElhone, Pamela Adlon, Evan Handler

Desire vs Desperation

In my many intimate talks with women they all admit there's a fine line between a guy acting interested and a guy acting desperate. The line is difficult for them to define because it all depends on how much they actually like the guy...as such, guys have no idea how much love and admiration a woman is ready to receive from them, so most guys naturally pull back and tread lightly when first romancing a woman. It comes down to the old rule from the classic cult film Swingers about not wanting to "scare off a beautiful baby". 

Too much too soon will likely get you into trouble. The question is:  Should it?

Women who want men naturally want men to want them...desire them...find them attractive, stimulating...all of these things and more.  Every woman I've ever asked says they love it when a guy they just met calls them the very next day. Why then do women think a man is desperate if he becomes "overly" interested?

Here's a question for you. Do you think men should like you? I mean, like you think you have something to offer...that you're attractive, smart...and that you're a good catch, right?  Of course you do! So if a man figures this out right away or quicker than you're "comfortable" with why should you automatically question his motivation? Maybe he's intuitive. Maybe he's intelligent. Maybe he doesn't need 3 months to wonder how much he likes you. Maybe you excite him in ways he never imagined.

I get how women naturally need more time to process how they feel. Part of your time requirements come from not fully trusting yourself with the choices you make with men. Believe it or not men let their heart lead more than they do their head...more than either head. We tend to act first and question later.  Unlike women, we don't need extra processing time to evaluate what we're thinking. That's part of our beautiful simplicity. We follow our heart and our instincts. Immediately. Yes we also follow our hard on and that can get us into sticky situations, but it never misleads us. The heart never lies....and neither does the nipple...nor the penis for that matter. If we have a hard on for you it's because we're attracted to you. You light our fire.  It has nothing to do with us being horny. We're always horny...unless we're depressed. And contrary to what you think we don't always walk around with a hard on. We still need a trigger. And if that trigger happens to be you then consider it flattery. Would you rather be with a man who doesn't instantly get hard around you?

Erect nipples and penises are the last honest, absolute truth in this unpredictable world. You can't fake either. More legitimate attention and consideration should be paid to both. I'm not saying they mean everything. Certainly not. You need a helluva' lot more than an erection to entertain thoughts of a meaningful relationship. But it's a start.

Back to showing too much interest. If a man feels passionate about something, especially when that something is a woman, no effort is too great and no time is too much in his pursuits for her affections.  Any man who is not willing to "drive all night to buy you some shoes and to taste your tender charms", as Bruce Springsteen sings, isn't worth it. A man's heart beats strongest and shines brightest when he's after something he wants. If that's what being desperate means then every man with a heartbeat is guilty of such.

Yet women continue to reward men who act disinterested, aloof.....desireless. They start to question themselves. Is something wrong with me? Why isn't he into me like every other guy? I thought he liked me. And you don't stop there do you? You build this fantasy of him, automatically thinking he must have so many other women interested in him. That's why he doesn't have time for me. And then it becomes a game. You want to make him care about you....and now you're trying extra hard to get his attention. This whole charade is sad, tired and pathetic. If a guy ignores you or doesn't show immediate interest....if he's just a little too casual about you....he's playing you. And the worst part is, you're letting him. 

Yet, almost every guy I know behaves like this...because they know it works. It doesn't make them all assholes. It just makes them less courageous.  Although many of these guys who act like this are in fact assholes. But you still can't judge a book by it's cover right? Even the "good" guys play this nonchalant game with you especially when they're crazy about you. And why? Because they know it's the safe way to operate and that it's proven over and over to work! They may not like doing it, but you've made it a necessary evil because of your "fine line" of desire vs desperation.

Contrary to women's perceptions, no man is ever desperate to be with a woman....Obsessed? or Crazed? Maybe.  Like we can't get you out of her head because you make us feel like we're on top of the world when we're around you? Yes. Guilty.  But desperate? That's an emotion we get if when we don't have enough money to pay rent or if our team hasn't won a Championship since 1908 (see Cub fan...they're a fucking desperate bunch) But desperate for a woman?  Never. It doesn't even make sense. Never crossed our mind.

So next time a guy calls too much or leaves flowers on your doorstep or sends that extra text or writes some rambling overly affectionate 30 page email (JK on that one...maybe) don't mistake his crazed desire for lonely desperation. 

Some men aren't afraid to actually listen to their hearts. And one of them may just be the guy that surprises you and steals yours.

Rose asks "Why do guys finger bang?"

We do it for the same reason you give us a hand job. Because we know you're not willing to let us implant our penis in your vajayjay....just yet.   So we need to put something in there...plus we want to feel how wet you already are...or we're desperately  trying to get you wet...to the point where you will eventually ask us to implant our penis...so we keep going until you either, A, can't take it anymore and say 'Oh I want you to fuck me'...or something to that effect or, B, Cum.

It's all about setting you up....although men do enjoy the physical feeling of your pussy and the power that comes with turning you on with our finger(s).

Some women are penetration masturbators while others prefer exterior stimulation. One woman's finger banging pain is another woman's pleasure. And so it goes...

Keep sending your questions that need answering.

Random Musings, Observations and Tips

There's no denying men like to have sex. A lot. So if we want to have sex with you consider it a compliment. Do not look at us negatively because we're so sexual....instead, be flattered and appreciate it. Wanting sex from you does not make you a piece of meat to us. We're sorry if that's the way we make you feel.  What it makes you is desirable.  If you resent us for our Neanderthal ways then stop dating us. Date women.

Part of the reason we crave sex so much besides how we're chemically wired has to do with our ego and our confidence. The more sex we're having, the more we're feeling like a man.  If we're not having sex we feel like less of one.

If you complain to us about your boyfriend to the point that makes us wonder why you haven't left him yet then we're going to assume one of three things as to why you're still there....

1. He' got a big dick.
2. He's got money.
3. You're too weak with low self esteem to leave him.

When we screw up, no matter how big a screw up it may be, try to remember the 99 previous good things we've done before going off on us for this one bad one. You're not perfect and neither are we.

Any guy who takes more time to get ready than you is either A) Gay or B) A Narcissist  or C) Both A & B AND will never satisfy you.

If he's extraordinarily good looking, always surrounded by beautiful women, on TV and lives in Los Angeles, there's a very good chance he's gay.

If sex with a guy lasts longer than "normal" he may be artificially enhanced....as in, he's juicing with the little blue pill. Many healthy guys now take Viagra to improve performance. Don't be fooled or rather "impressed" if this is the case. Pot, coke, alcohol and ectsasy all have similar effects on a man's ability to "hold out." Or perhaps, he's simply a porn star. Oh, he could be gay too...yes, even real gay guys will still sleep with women. It's called sport fucking. Same thing straight guys who just had their heart broken often attempt to do...they sport fuck to get over their depression.

Do tell us how much you love our laugh, our smell, our wit, our taste...and if you're cumming.

Don't ever fake it...or hold back. If you're a screamer scream your ass off.

Whether you have a tight little ass, big ass, small ass or loose ass we will try to spank it. Why? Because it's there. Believe it or not, it has very little to do with the "bad girl Daddy needs to spanks you" fantasy....that fantasy is all yours.

Do tell us to kiss our mother for you...but, not right before you send us a text telling us you can't see us anymore.

Don't ever Text you can't see us anymore. Do tell us, in person, if at all possible. No matter the circumstances.

Wear less Make-up. A lot less. And easy on the lip gloss too. Bright red lipstick makes you look slutty, not hot or beautiful.

Boys will boys. Always.

Boys like farts. Theirs. Not yours. Don't ever do it. As comfortable as you may be around us, you're never going to be one of the boys. And we don't want you to be. We love you because you're not.

Don't tell us "There's no way we're having sex tonight." and then later we have the sex. We understand why you need to say it, but in the end, you just seem like you're full of shit. Have the sex. Don't have the sex. Just don't say it....unless you're absolutely sure we're going to have sex, then by all means, please tell us as soon as you come to this conclusion! Even if it's at the very beginning of the night when we first pick you up and you know we're going to later. The suspense is killing us. Life is too short for that shit. And no, it does not make it hotter not knowing. It makes us more uncomfortable. If we knew we were definitively going to have sex with you or not going to have sex with you, we'd act so much more relaxed....and cooler.

If you ask us what we're thinking and we tell you...do not be freaked out. Do take a breath and thank us for sharing. Do continue to like us anyway.

Do hold our hand.

Baseball players wear hard athletic cups that protect their package...that's why baseball players have such a bulge.

Speaking of baseball. Watch all the scenes in Bull Durham with Kevin Costner and Susan Sarandon. You want to know how men think about a woman they're in love with....watch these scenes. And if you happen to be a baseball fan too, then watch the entire film. Here's a taste.

If we ask for your number, ask you out or give you our card and tell you to call us sometime...it means we want to have sex with you. We won't go out with you just because we like you. We go out with you because we want to have sex with you. Unless it's strictly a business situation, and even then, there's still a good chance we want to have sex with you. 

If we kiss you we want to have sex with you.

We know we want to date you only after you open your mouth.

We know both these things instantly.

How long we're willing to wait to wait before having sex with you depends on 2 things:

1. How much we like you
2. If we're still fucking someone else

Don't make us wait...just to wait. If you want to have sex with us it's OK to just do it. We'll still respect you. Seriously.

If we leave a note on your car, make a mix tape or want to take you to see our favorite whatever...we're in love with you.

If we don't wipe our sweat off our seat/bench at the gym then we're an asshole.

Don't make us feel like we're an appointment in your calendar....like you're fitting us into your busy schedule. You may be busy and you may be fitting us in, just don't let us know that.

Do give blowjobs willingly.  Don't make us ask...or beg....it's never as good when we do...for us or for you.

 *If BJ's aren't your thing then you should become a lesbian.

Do watch porn. With or without us. Just for the education. And yes we would like to try that. Maybe just to be sure, but ask us first anyway.

Do learn to cook...even if it's just one thing....even if it's just pudding....something.  Anything.

Howard Stern is not the pig you think he is....he has as much heart as he does pig.

Men are way more sensitive then you think. Maybe even more sensitive than you. We're just better at hiding it from you.

Every man wonders why you're with him....as does the man you're with. So, don't be afraid to tell us why.

Our heart rules us more than our head above our shoulder does. I can't speak for the head below our waist. That head has a mind of its own.

From the time we get our first erection we wonder where we can put it.

Do not ignore us. It makes you a cold cunt and makes us angry...and even more determined. Unless we've threatened harm to you...then feel free to do whatever the fuck you want.

Do wear low cut tops that reveal your magnificent breasts. Don't be weirded out by us looking at said breasts.

Emotional Ninjas

Comedian Whitney Cummings refers to women as "Emotional Ninjas."  Sadly, I wish I could take credit for such a remarkable accurate description.  She writes "our favorite fighting tactic is the silent treatment."

True. True. And True.

All women love to simply ignore a guy they're bothered by. Rather than confront us directly they just freeze us out, hoping either we just go away or figure out what we did wrong and what we need to do to correct it. Now, here's where Whitney loses me...since she's a comedian she makes a joke out of it by saying "The silent treatment is not a punishment, it's a reward. He's like, 'Oh thank God she's giving me the silent treatment. I get to watch SportsCenter again today."

Yes and No.

We do want to watch SportsCenter or the last few minutes of the game or an entire episode of Family Guy without interruption. However, we'd rather you just tell us what's really bothering you. Ignoring us only makes us more angry with you. Not less. It also makes us more determined to get you to speak.  Say Something. Say Anything (great movie btw).

Men naturally want to fix things. Ignoring may be in a woman's DNA, but a man's DNA is designed to fix..maybe break first...but ultimately fix. Tell us what's wrong and we'll do our best to fix it. Men are problem solvers. Even if we're the ones who broke it, we still want the chance to fix it.  Now we may not know how to fix it or perhaps we're just too stupid or proud to figure out how...but goddam it, we're sure going to give it our best shot. Give us a shot.

The following advice is universal...not just intended for women, but men alike. 

Ignoring another human who's trying to communicate with you is possibly the worst, coldest, rudest and most inconsiderate thing you can do to someone. It's simply heartless, selfish and incredibly immature.

Of course, there's varying degrees of silence. There's the kind of silence that exists during the relationship and then there's the silence that's emitted after a break-up.

If you're just arguing according to Whitney, "You can't defeat a woman in an argument. It's never happened because women never express the emotions we're actually feeling. When we're our most pissed off at you, what do we say? 'I'm fine.' 'I'm fine' means I'm going to stab you in the neck."

Silence may be golden in the movie theatre, but between a man and woman....Honest communication is the golden ticket.

However, the break-up silence is a different animal.  After a break-up, men do not seem to have the same kind of all powerful lock down On/Off switch that women possess. When it's "over" for a woman it's really over. She'll ignore your emails, texts, calls, letters, whatever...she has no interest anymore. No matter how much she loved you at one point, today...she's that emotional ninja.  Done. Whereas a guy still holds out some hope that maybe one day you'll flip that switch back on.  And why is that? A man's heart never really heals. No matter how little you think of us now, we'll always think about how you once were. It's absolutely easier for a woman to move on than it is for a man. We're raised to never quit. Defeat is not an option. Anyone who's played sports knows this line of thinking and it carries over into life and to our relationships with women.

A past lover of mine shared a story about one of her exes who's been trying to get back with her for nearly 10 years. They previously dated for several years.  The guy's continued to stay in touch for years even after she got married and then eventually divorced. Always checking in to see how things were. It drove her nuts. And he's still trying today.  He even said he'd move to the city where she lives now just to start dating her again. I asked her if she thinks he's sincere and maybe a different person than when they went out. She says, "Absolutely he's sincere. And I have no doubt he's changed and probably would be a great boyfriend now. But, I can't go there again. I won't. I can't turn the switch back on. It's gone."  And that ladies is an Emotional Ninja.

All of this talk of fighting tactics and emotional responses makes me think of another sensitive area.

Rational Emotion vs Irrational Emotion.

If a woman gets emotional about something and says "I don't want to talk about it." That's an irrational emotion. What do you mean you don't want to talk about? If somehting's bothering you we need to talk about. Men don't walk away from a problem that needs fixing. They may ultimately call someone else in, but they're not just going to ignore it.

I ask you ladies this....Is being an Emotional Ninja a badge of honor that you wear proudly on your cold dark sleeve? Ninjas are sneeky, devious, cunning...and cut throat.  Wouldn't you rather be known as a kind, loving, caring, rational woman who shares and communicates honorably and effectively?

In the end, I'm going to suggest Less Ninja. More Emotion. It's okay to let us inside your self made protective armour. I'm not saying your switch needs to be like silly putty, but maybe it could be a little more flexible. And never be afraid to communicate with us....decently and humanely.  Be a better person. You have it in you.

Understanding Men

Men are all dirty dogs.

Now that we got the obligatory stereotype out of the way....we are actually more like a 30-second beer commercial. Ask a man what he wants and he's got a 1-word answer before you even finish the question. Men want women. Everything we do, everything we say...the cars we drive...the jobs we do...all geared around our strengths which will hopefully attract women. If we act like an idiot, it's because somehow whatever we think we're doing or not doing will attract a woman. We can't help it. We know what we want. We just don't know how to get it. Show me a man who claims he knows to understand a woman and I'll show you a man who knows nothing. Thanks to Producer Robert Evans for that piece of wisdom.

But here's the biggest conception. Just because we're a 30-second beer commercial does not mean we're void of any feeling or depth. Quite the contrary. In those 30 seconds we're fully capable of showcasing every emotion possible. Many women make the mistake of thinking because we're such animals about sex and other neanderthal interests we're not carrying around the same sensitivities, fears and insecurities as women. Truth be told, I think men are even more emotional than women. We're just able to mask it better. Boys don't cry right?

On the other hand, women are a 90-minute film starring Helen Hunt asking "What Women Want." Granted, women want men; but somehow, it's much more complicated than that. They think they know how to get what they think they want...for now. Tomorrow, it could change. Men are like a rock. For the most part, we ain't changing.

I came across a professional female owned and operated website that's worth checking out. Alison Armstrong created the site along with seminars and workshops for women specifically designed to help them understand men. More importantly, she shares how to look at them in a more positive, loving way. Alison writes about how a girl friend one day pointed out how she demasculated men in her behavior and attitude, including how she was treating her young son. Alison was horrified to learn of her reality. She didn't even realize the negative affect she was having on the men she tried to love. She kept blaming them and who they were...or were not; when the reality was she was preventing them from being who she actually needed them to be.  Her main point is that women will never be happy with their man until they learn to accept, understand and allow the man to be who he is and who he wants to be.

I've never met Alison nor have I attended any of her seminars and workshops, but I can tell you what I've read moved me to the point I think it should be required reading for every mother to their daughter. And for those mothers who raise sons, enabling him to be a "mamma's boy" is a dangerous game to play. While you may enjoy his constant affections and loyalties....do grown woman really want to date a Mamma's boy? A guy can love his mother to death, but a mamma's boy? That's a demasculine man who's far too in touch with his feminine side. What you end up with is a hairy woman.

While it may be too late to change a man, it's never too late for a woman to learn how to help herself.

 http://www.understandmen.com/ktp/endthewar.html