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Friday, January 11, 2013


So my last three entries have been about kissing, cuddling and dating...I guess to complete the "ing" series I should discuss loving.

I attended this  Zen Buddhist conversation tonight with Bernie Glassman and Jeff Bridges.

Yes. The actor Jeff Bridges...who's out promoting a new book called The Dude and the Zen Master. Seems Jeff's character that he played in the cult classic film The Big Lebowski became an actual inspiration for him to pursue a more Dude-like lifestyle...and in turn, he found some peace and love through Buddhism. His discovery also led him to the relationship with the masterful Jewish Buddha, Bernie Glassman, with whom he write the book.

I'm familiar with the basics of Buddhism, but never realized, until tonight, that love and loving is at its center. In part of their discussion, Bernie mentioned the "rug" from Lebowski...the rug that tied the Dude's room together. Here's a clip.

Bernie pointed out the rug is a symbol for love. Love is at the heart of the film, and, in the end, is what ties the Dude's and everyone else's life together. Without love we are incomplete. Our life is not full. And the more love, the more we share and the more we offer others, the better our life becomes, and the better the world around us becomes.

And that's also the essence of this blog.  It's in my description along the header. 

"An open and honest hetero man offering bold advice for LOVING and dating heterosexual men."

While it's my intention to help women better understand and love the men they date and make this a more loving world, I've personally struggled with loving women and vice versa. Not that I haven't loved or been loved, but I've been left...I won't say unsatisfied...rather...unfulfilled....and to a larger extent, experienced a little too much unrequited love for one lifetime.

Too often I've wanted to love someone, but they would not allow me the opportunity...or, on the occasions when they did allow it, it was as fleeting as a kiss or sometimes only stretching a week, or on the rarest of times, lasting but a few months. I've never experienced anything substantial or meaningful when it comes to dating. This emptiness in my life has often left me bitter, extremely frustrated, and often, angry. I've never quite been able to manage the rejection or loving I've lost out on.

Until tonight, I wasn't exactly sure what to do about it. For much of my life and especially the last 3 plus years I've been at a complete loss.  I've talked in depth to friends, family and therapists...but, no matter how much advice I receive, ultimately it comes down to me, and what I can do by myself. The only real solution is to try and love more......hate less, get rid of the anger...and turn my bitterness around. So, I know what I have to do. The question is, how?

On the way home I happened to listen to Born to Run playing on E Street Radio. One of the best lines from the song is "I want to know if love is real."  Throughout his career Springsteen spends a great deal of time singing about chasing and finding love. It's these thoughts that make him so endearing to the both the men and  the women who so passionately follow him. Bruce understands our struggles, our hopes, our dreams. He's able to simply connect in ways many artists cannot. The essence of  The Boss's greatest song is exactly what's exemplified by The Dude's most prized possession. "Born to Run" could just as easily be called "Born to Love"...for, like the rug, the song ties everything together.

Wendy let me in I wanna be your friend
I want to guard your dreams and visions
Just wrap your legs round these velvet rims
And strap your hands across my engines
Together we could break this trap
We'll run till we drop, baby we'll never go back
Will you walk with me out on the wire
`cause baby I'm just a scared and lonely rider
But I gotta find out how it feels
I want to know if love is wild, girl I want to know if love is real.

Neither Bruce nor Bridges claim loving to be easy.....instead, what they say, is that it's just something you should never stop the is the answer.