Blue Balls, Shrinkage and Morning Wood

Much like what Seinfeld did for "Shrinkage" I hope to do for "Blue Balls."  So I ask, do women know about "Blue Balls?"

Blue Balls is not a myth...it is real. It refers to the discomfort men get from getting a repeated hard-on without being to cum.  While our balls do not literally turn "blue" and the discomfort can be anywhere from mild to extreme, as if we just got punched down there, it mostly affects teenage and early 20-something men. The "repeated" hard-on is one that goes up and down as a result multiple stops and starts....without finishing. We've all been there...and felt it.

I once had it so bad I literally had trouble catching my breath and could not sit still. The worst part is there is no real cure for it. You can apply ice or take a cold shower, but ultimately all you need is time to recover and be pain free.  By the time blue balls sets in, the option to cum for relief is almost too late...it's weird. Luckily, we eventually grow out of this unfortunate biological issue.

So why I am sharing this piece of male insight? I'm just making women aware of how sexually driven and misfit we are...I'm not saying you should always "take care of us" so we don't get blue balls because, in the end, you should only do what makes you comfortable. You have the knowledge now, so use it as you see fit.

One thing that still happens on occasion to some men of any age after he cums is a post blue balls effect. Sometimes our balls ache even after we cum. I read in a medical article that this is not that uncommon. And if you ache you probably can't get hard again until the ache goes away.  Again, there's no real solution other than time.

On a related topic to Blue Balls is our good morning hard-ons. All normal men wake up with a hard-on...and it doesn't seem to matter whether we wake up in the middle of the night or when the alarm goes off...we have one. But curiously, Morning Wood does not lead to Blue Balls....which makes me think we must be hard the entire time we're comfortably sleeping...not going up and down through the night....which also means sex is always on a man's mind. ALWAYS....just in case you ladies need reminding.

And here's the Seinfeld "shrinkage" scene for all you Seinfeld fans.

Stop rewarding men who play it "cool"

Ladies, you know exactly what I'm talking about. All men know what I'm talking about for sure. There's a perception among men that if they show too much interest in a woman then she will be less attracted to him. It's why men wait a certain reasonable amount of time before calling or texting. It's why men tend to "hide" their emotions from women. Like they said in the film Swingers "You don't want to scare off a beautiful baby."

While many women will scoff at this idea as juvenile or immature there are just as many out there who lend credence to this disturbing line of thinking. And I do mean "disturbing" because what a lot of women are doing is actually encouraging a cool, non-caring, indifferent approach by continuing to reward men for such aloofness. Often being mysterious is confused for just being what the guy is....an asshole.

A semi-famous female friend of mine gave this interview to a magazine.

I am not interested in a man that is putty in my hands. Why not? Oh God no, who wants that? I mean, would you want a girl that is like, "Oh my God, you are so good looking. You are so great. You are the greatest thing since sliced bread. I can't wait to go out with you again." Ultimately people—women—want an element of challenge. Who wants to be with someone who is putty in their hand? Who wants that? I'll get a lap dog. Who wants that?

So you would like a man who is more in control, who...You want somebody who is on your level, who is your equal. Or if not your equal, then darn close. To be complimented, to be admired, or to be adored by your boyfriend, it is wonderful, it is lovely, but to say putty in my hands...I don't want to have all of the control. That's not sexy to me. That is when a man becomes unattractive. You know, when he hands me his scrotum and says, 'Here, take my balls and put them in your purse.' That is not sexy to me.

Do you think men feel the same way, or do we like lap dogs?For men it is the same. If you have your choice between two girls, say you start dating two girls at the same time, and you like them both about the same. And one of them returns your phone call when it is convenient for her, and likes to see you, and is interested in seeing you, but is not foaming at the mouth. And the other one calls you three times a day and, you know, twice after the date just to tell you what a good time she had. And she asks you when can you go out again and tells you that you are the cutest guy she has ever been out with. Honestly, you are innately going to be attracted to the girl who is a little bit cooler. You might think there is something wrong with somebody who is so over the top.

For men...it's not the same...at all. "You might think there is something wrong with somebody who is so over the top."  Why do women automatically think there is something wrong with a guy who's not afraid to show affection immediately?  I believe many women are so insecure with very little self-confidence they simply can't understand why a guy would like them as much as they do...especially, if they barely know each other. This is absolutely the case with my friend above. Her thought process seems to be a subconscious method of self sabotage. She won't allow herself to be attracted to someone who treats her right and adores her....why? Because she is not completely happy with herself..so she needs to feel challenged a bit so she can "prove herself" worthy to a man. And that probably best explains why women do not handle extreme admiration and affection from a man well. On the other hand, believe it or not...men just want to receive love from women...we're not into questioning your motives. And if we like you, no excess amounts of love is going to spoil it.

And on the topic of questioning love, it's especially intriguing as to why women dig the "bad boy".....I guess there's a gena-say-qua about the "I don't give a shit attitude."

Of course this video is funny because we know George is "full of shit" and completely flipping out on the inside that Anna digs him...and how much he likes her....but we're also aware this is the kind of shit that works with women. And you ladies wonder why men aren't more "honest". We're not honest because we know you reward dishonest behavior!

As for how men perceive admiration......No man I know is going to be turned off by a woman he likes just because she told him how wonderful he is and how she can't wait to see him again. The last time I was completely smitten with a woman she texted me right after I left her place and before I even got home that night telling me what an incredible time she had and couldn't wait to see me again. And this was after our first date!  That text made me feel on top of the world. The thought of "something must be wrong" with her never even entered my mind. You know what did?....That I just hit the fucking lottery that this chick was that into me.

A married guy friend of mine, who happened to be holding his wife's cell phone, showed off her screensaver which was a photo of the two of them together. He described the photo as the most beautiful women in the world and some schlub. He was like "Look at me. In this stupid hoody and silly expression next to this smiling princess. How can she be with me? I even asked her about this photo and she was like, 'It's cute.  How can this photo be cute to you?'" He laughed it off to us as he shared the story. He went on to say, "And as hot as she is...she's even cooler. And I felt this way as soon as I met her too.  I'm the luckiest guy ever."  

Note...this guy has no problems getting women...and he's a pretty good looking dude too...there's nothing "wrong" with him...yet he still had this humble attitude about how lucky he was to be with his now wife.  When I asked him if he was able to play it "cool" with her and he said "I tried, but after a week I couldn't take it anymore and had to come clean. I was nuts." He went on to say that if he had played the cool card some other dude would be married to her today. What it took was real nuts for my boy to not "be cool" and lucky for him, his woman appreciated it. And I'm sure part of the reason he married her was because he quickly found out she was indeed a rare emerald in a city filled with cold stones. She's a woman who rewards guys for doing the right thing.

Perhaps there's another reason as to why many women are so uncomfortable if they think a guy is feeling a little  too lucky to be with her. Besides a woman's overall lack of confidence and self awareness maybe it has something to do with not wanting the pressure of living up this ideal. As in "OMG! This guy likes me so much I can't possibly measure up to his perception of me. I'm only going to disappoint him."  If this is the case, it's not your problem...that is ours. And as such, men also perpetually remind each other, "Do not put the pussy on the pedestal." In other words, our fantasy image of you is not necessarily the reality. And unfortunately, I've learned this lesson many times.

Worship vs Admiration is a fine line....Of course, no one wants to be silly putty. I agree with my friend that trait, by nature, can be inherently unattractive. No one wants to be or feel like a complete lush.  However, we all know what it's like to melt in someone's presence. And maybe we all fight against it because then we're giving up all our control and "hand." We're exposed and not protected.  And once you do that, how do you retain your mysterious sex appeal?  

When it comes to sports there's an expression, "Act like you've been there before."  This refers to celebrating after a TouchDown in football or a big play. It's meant to be a way to be humble or like it's not that big of a deal I just did that. But acting like you've been there with woman and not being overly excited which is what we're talking about then how special of a connection can it be? When it comes to love, acting like you've "been there" probably means you don't value your connection. I would hate for a chick to act like she's been there with me. When she kisses me or fucks me I want to think she's NEVER been there...lol.

Another woman I know talks about the "creep factor" of a guy who shows an over-the-top interest in her. Ironically, she's dating a guy now who she's nuts about but complains she can't figure him out cause one day he's all hot 'n heavy for her and then the next, complete silence. Clearly, he's playing the game with her and she's still rewarding him for it. She's questioning the exact behavior she claims to find creepy. What she should do is open her own heart, tell him how she feels and assure him that if really likes her he doesn't need to continue to be "mysterious" about it. But if only wants to keep on fucking her and nothing more...that's still OK too. Which I know she'd accept as well. She's quite the horny chick.

But I still maintain.....Love melts even the coldest and hardest of hearts.

Women need to understand that women drive men nuts far beyond any normal level of comprehension.  And any man who's not acting nuts and playing it "cool" is either:

A. Full of shit

or

B. Not that into you.

So my question is "Why would you want to be with either?"

What you're telling me is that you'd rather be a with a dooshbag who doesn't fully appreciate being with you because "he's been there before" or you're no "big deal" because he's had hotter women than you. That's the type of man you'd rather be with? Guess what? That's also the type of man who will cheat on you. And that woman who gave that interview I posted above...every man she's ever cared about has cheated on her. 

The greatest gift one can give another is to surrender to their only absolute truth....love  If you truly want to find happiness and love with a man then you should spend more time listening to your heart and less time to trying to figure things out with your head.

How do I know if he really likes me?

This a common question asked by women all the time. And like most things when it comes to men the answer is simple.

And before I reveal the like "test" here's something surprising.  "Like" has nothing to do with "how long" a guy is willing to wait to have sex with you. Just because a guy waits an extra amount of time to sleep with you could mean he really likes you or could just mean he's fucking someone else or perhaps, he's got no one else. Even though you think sex is all we care about when it comes to "liking" you, sex actually has very little to do with how we feel about you.

Here's the answer.  If he asks you to do something that he knows you, and you alone enjoy, then he likes you.  Or better yet, you should ask him do something with you he'd never willingly do alone. If he accepts with pleasure and an enthusiastic smile on his face then you know he likes you. When I think about the women I've liked a lot I know there's nothing they could ask me to do that I wouldn't do just so I could be with them.

Also...if he's eager for you to meet his buddies or a family member...he likes you. Often guys hold back on doing this because because they're scared you'll think they're moving too fast too soon so they wait to unveil you....this has nothing to do with their "like" for you...just with how much of a pussy they are or are not. Just because he hasn't brought you around yet doesn't mean he's not into you.  However, anyone who offers to do so sooner rather than later...there's no doubt he likes you.

Here's one other sure fire check mark.  If he asks you to a Bruce Springsteen concert (well that would be for me) or shares a favorite song or lyric with you, he likes you. The Boss may not be everyone's cup of tea, but every man identifies with his lyrics about pursuing women, chasing love and following dreams. 

And a mix tape? Never too old to receive one of those. Double Check. He really likes you. A lot. 

Here's a few favorite Bruce songs that says it all about a man who likes a woman.

Drive All Night:
 "I swear I'll drive all night just to buy you some shoes
And to taste your tender charms"

Thunder Road:
"All the redemption I can offer, girl
Is beneath this dirty hood
With a chance to make it good somehow
Hey what else can we do now
Except roll down the window
And let the wind blow back your hair
Well the night's busting open
These two lanes will take us anywhere
We got one last chance to make it real
To trade in these wings on some wheels
Climb in back
Heaven's waiting on down the tracks
Oh oh come take my hand
Riding out tonight to case the promised land
Oh oh Thunder Road, oh Thunder Road
oh Thunder Road"

I'll Work for Your Love:
"What others may want want for free, I'll work for your love."

Fire:
"And when we kissed.....Fire."

Now, if only it would be so easy to figure out when a woman likes us.  George from Seinfeld had a great line about "she doesn't like me"....I couldn't find that clip but here's one that showcases another male anxiety from the "like" department.  This one's about "hand".

"uhhhh....what's the point."

It's been my experience that a woman can "need" to see you one day and the next day she wants nothing to do with you. One thing's for certain about a guy.  When he likes a girl he will always like her. A guy never loses his feelings for a woman he likes. He can be mad, angry, frustrated and disappointed with her...but, once she gets in his heart...she'll never leave. And that's just how we're wired. Our heart hath no term limits.

Masturbation

For Pleasure or For necessity?  That is the singular question for a man.

Do we masturbate because it feels good to us or do we do it to keep from bursting? And by bursting I mean both our heads are so completely engorged with thoughts of sexual desire that our minds can't focus on anything else and our genitalia feels like it's going to explode with such painful ferocity if we don't tend to our fire down below properly. Although unlike a woman's actual heat rising like a phoenix out of her genitalia a man's "fire" is more metaphorical.....it's not a raw thermal increase we experience...our sensation is more abstract and less defined. While we do get hard....it's much more of a psychological need that's fueling us to "finish" than you would think.

Guys are somewhat split on the pleasure v necessity things in a sense some guys claim to enjoy it immensely and look forward to doing it while others simply do it because they need the eventual release...be it from unfulfilled desires to tension to just helping get to sleep. 

And then there's doing it before a big date or going out for the night in search of the hook up. Not only does it take the edge off, but it allows us to reload and helps us last longer should we get to do the real deal later that night with an actual woman in our presence, rather than just with a woman in our minds.

Clearly, frustration from not having sex is the main masturbation motivator for men. Then again, I also know guys who claim to jerk off multiple times a day even though they're still getting laid regularly. These guys fall into the self gratifying "pleasure" people....and all of these types that I know, the ones who thoroughly enjoy doing it, are all total narcissists.

I won't even begin to try and compare our "need" to a woman's, but I will try to describe it further. Like I said in the opening paragraph once we become consumed by sexual thoughts and perversions we literally cannot move on until we jerk off. Whether it's a slow build or sudden impulse, the game plays out the same every time. Eventually, we have to take care of business. What most women will probably find shocking and disgusting is how little we need to trigger us.

Never mind the thoughts and memories we have about our current and former lovers, any random woman we encounter during the day....be it, in person, on TV, on a billboard, in a magazine, at the bank or in line at the check-out at the grocery store can get our juices flowing.  You are correct to claim men are animals, but only in the sexual sense. No emotional attachment is necessary for us to want to fuck you, let alone masturbate to you. If we see a hot chick, no matter the circumstance, chances are we will be rubbing one out to her sooner rather than later.

Lately, I've been actively trying to keep my urges down, in effect, training myself to be desireless.  I am not one of those habitual masturbating narcissists. As I've gotten older, I've grown tired of being controlled by my sex drive. It has not been an easy thing to suppress, especially as a high a drive as I've had my entire life.

Medical experts appear to be split on the health benefits to masturbating. While the act itself is deemed natural, normal and safe...what does it say about one's own frustrations and needs if you're doing it a lot. How much is too much? Probably the answer lies with the individual. If you feel like you are doing it too much then you probably are.

I have a friend who claims to masturbate 3-4 times a day.? Do you think that's too much? Does he?

Before marriage Richard Christy from the Howard Stern Show reserved Friday nights for Masturbation where he'd stay in all night to watch porn and pleasure himself. He openly talked about it and how much he looked forward to Friday nights at home, alone.

Staying with the Howard Stern show...a rich emporium for masturbation...Wrap-up Show Host Jon Hein claims he doesn't do it at all so he can save all of himself for his wife. He thinks it's cheating in a way if he does it without her.  Long time show contributor and fan Melrose Larry Green proudly told me he doesn't like to finish....he actually loves the build up part and not the climax....a bit odd, but whatever gets you off...even if that means not getting off per se.

Comedian Louis CK devoted an entire episode of his TV show Louie to it where he announced "I'm a good citizen. I'm a good father. I recycle. And I masturbate." Here's a clip.

And then there's the Master of Masturbation Larry David who shined a new light on being Lord of the Manor and King of the Castle, asking us all who is master of their domain.

I'll tell you a couple of personal masturbation stories....besides just the countless times I came home drunk and came...a little while later....intoxication does slow down the process...or help hold out ...does it do the same for women or actually increase their rate of pleasure? I wonder. I'll have to ask a woman that.

So I was at my apartment pool and this girl was laying out on her back. Her ass was absolutely magnificent, glistening under the California sun. She also had her bikini bottom rolled up so as much of her butt cheeks as possible could tan...I was trying my best to concentrate and read, but every few seconds I had to glance up...I couldn't help myself. It was like an insatiable magnetic force drawing my eyes to look in her direction. There was no escape. I was caught in the gravitational pull of her sexual tractor beam. We ended up leaving together (at the same time...not actually together), only cause once I saw her get up to leave there really wasn't any reason for me to stick around. We made some small talk and she smiled at me as she walked away....and that's all it took....for my trigger.

The next day, I decided to take care of myself before going down to the pool, just in case she was there again.  Well, sure as shit, when I went out there she was there again. And this time she smiled at me as soon as she saw me...like she knew....even before I entered the pool area. That's all it took. Again. Only this time, I actually went back upstairs immediately to TCOB.....by the time I returned she was gone. Good. Now I'd finally be able to concentrate on reading.

The other story worth sharing is a bit more explicit. You've been warned.

I once had a woman specifically request for me to masturbate onto her. We were messing around hot 'n heavy and she didn't want to have full sex yet and instead asked if I would masturbate onto her. Not for her to jerk me off, but for me to handle myself, and then finish on her. She actually said "I want you to masturbate onto me." And I asked...just so there was no misunderstanding, "Are you sure that's what you want?" . She said, "Yes. That's what I want."  While it was the first time I had received such a direct invitation I knew it was hot and that she was going to get off on the idea behind me doing it to her and because of her...while she watched.  To her credit, she did ask me to titty fuck her first.

Of course, I was also aware the request was all part of her sexual manipulation and need to remain in control. This was an issue that would become even more clear about a half hour later when I turned the tables.  She was trying to say goodbye to me, but instead, she leaped...thrusted more like it....into my arms and attacked me so aggressively I now found myself holding her tightly in my lap as I sat, half hung off the edge of the bed...her legs wrapped around me. One of her my arms tightly gripped around her hips while the other worked my way down her body...letting my fingers do the walking and...the banging...I entered her with a determined tenderness...she responded with as much passion and excitement as you may expect. As I continued to masturbate her she grew closer and closer to an orgasm.....and then out of nowhere, seemingly just as she was about to finish...she tore herself off of me...stopping in "mid pump" to quote Larry David...I felt like Jeff who said to Larry, "Who stops a wack-off mid-pump?" Apparently this woman does. She admitted to "holding back" on me and most likely did so because she had a boyfriend who she was seriously conflicted by...guess she felt an orgasm for her was the "cheating" part. The question is...did she ultimately finish herself after she threw me out moments later.

Here's the clip from Curb btw.

One thing I can't figure out is why a woman ever masturbates unless she's in a monogamous relationship and her man is out of town or unavailable for some phone/Skype sex action. ....I was just told by a female friend that one reason women masturbate is to "climax" cause sex doesn't necessarily do it for them. Ah. I get it. No wonder so many women devalue sex with a guy....it really does do nothing for them.

Women say "Oh we get horny too. We just don't go around fucking everyone who triggers us downstairs." I say, 'Why the hell not?!'  If that woman from the pool told me she thought I was so sexy and either she was headed upstairs to take care of herself or I could....do you think there would be a question of me going with her? I'd be so honored and turned on by her invitation she'd either have the best sex of her life...or the quickest....more likely.  Regardless, it would have been spectacularly raw and passionate, that's for certain.   

Many women are disgusted by the thought of a man they just met going home to masturbate to them. "Oooooh. gross." I think is what they say.  If men knew every woman they met in a day were masturbating to them later that night they would be so completely flattered and ego enhanced ...we'd be in a constant state of blissful euphoria.  Masturbating to someone is the most remarkable natural compliment a human can offer. Other species don't masturbate...probably cause they're getting enough sex so they don't need to. You want to stop men from masturbating to you...then have sex with him. Yeah, that's an ideal that is not practical, so instead...just embrace it....accept it and don't worry about it...just be happy.

Now if you'll excuse me...I need to go masturbate.

Recommended Viewing

These Films and TV shows provide a realistic glimpse into a man's mind and are personal favorites of The Naked Truther. Not only should you watch all of these, but they're a good "test" for your man, that is if you're looking for a man who's sensitive, emotional and romantic.  While none of these selections would be considered classic chick flicks they all contain critical elements that emit similar reactions. For instance, if your man doesn't instantly become emotional by the end of "Definitely, Maybe", then he's not capable...and never will be. Dump him. And dump him fast. If you don't care about this sort of thing in your man then this list probably is not for you...and neither is this blog.

Films
The Graduate (1967) - Dustin Hoffman, Anne Bancroft, Katharine Ross
Rocky (1976) - Sylvestor Stallone, Talia Shire
Fast Times at Ridgemont High (1982) - Sean Penn, Jennier Jason Leigh, Phoebe Cates, Judge Reinhold
Romancing the Stone (1984) - Michael Douglas, Kathleen Turner, Danny DeVito
Back to the Future (1985) - Michael J. Fox, Lea Thompson
Fatal Attraction (1987) - Michael Douglas, Glenn Close
Bull Durham (1988)- Kevin Costner, Susan Sarondon, Tim Robbins
Cocktail (1988) - Tom Cruise, Elisabeth Shue
Fabulous Baker Boys (1989) - Jeff and Beau Bridges, Michelle Pfeiffer
When Harry Met Sally (1989) - Billy Crystal, Meg Ryan
He Said, She Said (1991) - KKevin Bacon, Elizabeth Perkins
Other People's Money (1991) - Danny DeVito, Gregory Peck, Penelope Ann Miller
Doc Hollywood (1991) - Michael J. Fox, Julie Warner, Woody Harrelson
Frankie and Johnny (1991) - Al Pacino, Michelle Pfeiffer
Basic Instinct (1992) - Michael Douglas, Sharon Stone
Clueless (1995) - Paul Rudd, Alicia Silverstone
Jerry Maguire (1996) - Tom Cruise, Rene Zellweger, Cuba Gooding, Jr., Kelly Preston
One Fine Day (1996) - George Clooney, Michelle Pfeiffer
Swingers (1996) - Jon Favreau, Vince Vaughn
Fools Rush In (1997)- Matthew Perry, Salma Hayek
Wedding Singer (1998) - Adam Sandler, Drew Barrymore
You've Got Mail (1998) - Tom Hanks, Meg Ryan
Cast Away (2000) - Tom Hanks, Helen Hunt
Almost Famous (2000) - Kate Hudson
100 Girls (2000) - Emmanuelle Chriqui
High Fidelity (2000) - John Cusak, Jack Black, Bruce Springsteen
State and Main (2000) - Philip Seymour Hoffman, Alec Baldwin, Sarah Jessica Parker
Serendipity (2001) - John Cusak, Kate Beckinsale, Jeremy Piven
Seabiscuit (2003) - Tobey Maguire, Jeff Bridges
The Cooler (2003) - William H. Macy, Alec Baldwin, Maria Bello
50 First Dates (2004) - Adam Sandler, Drew Barrymore
Wedding Crashers (2005) - Vince Vaughn, Owen Wilson
Cutlass (2007) - Short directed by Kate Hudson starring Virginia Madson, Kristen Stewart, Dakota Fanning and Kurt Russell
I Could Never Be Your Woman (2007) - Paul Rudd, Michelle Pfeiffer
.....you can't go wrong with Michelle Pfeiffer
Knocked Up (2007) - Seth Rogen, Paul Rudd, Leslie Mann, Katherine Heigl
Definitely, Maybe (2008) - Ryan Reynolds, Isla Fisher
Forgetting Sarah Marshall (2008) - Jason Segel, Kristen Bell, Mila Kunis, Russel Brand
Up in the Air (2009) - George Clooney, Vera Farmiga
Crazy Heart  (2009) - Jeff Bridges, Maggie Gyllenhaal
Barney's Version (2010) - Paul Giamatti
God of Love (2011) - Oscar winning short avail on iTunes. Download it.

TV
Moonlighting (1985-1989) - Bruce Willis, Cybill Shepherd
Cheers (1982-1993)- Ted Danson, Shelley Long, Kirstie Alley
Seinfeld (1990-1998) - Jerry Seinfeld, Jason Alexander, Julia Louis Dreyfuss, Michael Richards
Curb Your Enthusiasm (2000-present) - Larry David, Jeff Garlin
Californication (2007-present) - David Duchovny, Natscha McElhone, Pamela Adlon, Evan Handler

Desire vs Desperation

In my many intimate talks with women they all admit there's a fine line between a guy acting interested and a guy acting desperate. The line is difficult for them to define because it all depends on how much they actually like the guy...as such, guys have no idea how much love and admiration a woman is ready to receive from them, so most guys naturally pull back and tread lightly when first romancing a woman. It comes down to the old rule from the classic cult film Swingers about not wanting to "scare off a beautiful baby". 

Too much too soon will likely get you into trouble. The question is:  Should it?

Women who want men naturally want men to want them...desire them...find them attractive, stimulating...all of these things and more.  Every woman I've ever asked says they love it when a guy they just met calls them the very next day. Why then do women think a man is desperate if he becomes "overly" interested?

Here's a question for you. Do you think men should like you? I mean, like you think you have something to offer...that you're attractive, smart...and that you're a good catch, right?  Of course you do! So if a man figures this out right away or quicker than you're "comfortable" with why should you automatically question his motivation? Maybe he's intuitive. Maybe he's intelligent. Maybe he doesn't need 3 months to wonder how much he likes you. Maybe you excite him in ways he never imagined.

I get how women naturally need more time to process how they feel. Part of your time requirements come from not fully trusting yourself with the choices you make with men. Believe it or not men let their heart lead more than they do their head...more than either head. We tend to act first and question later.  Unlike women, we don't need extra processing time to evaluate what we're thinking. That's part of our beautiful simplicity. We follow our heart and our instincts. Immediately. Yes we also follow our hard on and that can get us into sticky situations, but it never misleads us. The heart never lies....and neither does the nipple...nor the penis for that matter. If we have a hard on for you it's because we're attracted to you. You light our fire.  It has nothing to do with us being horny. We're always horny...unless we're depressed. And contrary to what you think we don't always walk around with a hard on. We still need a trigger. And if that trigger happens to be you then consider it flattery. Would you rather be with a man who doesn't instantly get hard around you?

Erect nipples and penises are the last honest, absolute truth in this unpredictable world. You can't fake either. More legitimate attention and consideration should be paid to both. I'm not saying they mean everything. Certainly not. You need a helluva' lot more than an erection to entertain thoughts of a meaningful relationship. But it's a start.

Back to showing too much interest. If a man feels passionate about something, especially when that something is a woman, no effort is too great and no time is too much in his pursuits for her affections.  Any man who is not willing to "drive all night to buy you some shoes and to taste your tender charms", as Bruce Springsteen sings, isn't worth it. A man's heart beats strongest and shines brightest when he's after something he wants. If that's what being desperate means then every man with a heartbeat is guilty of such.

Yet women continue to reward men who act disinterested, aloof.....desireless. They start to question themselves. Is something wrong with me? Why isn't he into me like every other guy? I thought he liked me. And you don't stop there do you? You build this fantasy of him, automatically thinking he must have so many other women interested in him. That's why he doesn't have time for me. And then it becomes a game. You want to make him care about you....and now you're trying extra hard to get his attention. This whole charade is sad, tired and pathetic. If a guy ignores you or doesn't show immediate interest....if he's just a little too casual about you....he's playing you. And the worst part is, you're letting him. 

Yet, almost every guy I know behaves like this...because they know it works. It doesn't make them all assholes. It just makes them less courageous.  Although many of these guys who act like this are in fact assholes. But you still can't judge a book by it's cover right? Even the "good" guys play this nonchalant game with you especially when they're crazy about you. And why? Because they know it's the safe way to operate and that it's proven over and over to work! They may not like doing it, but you've made it a necessary evil because of your "fine line" of desire vs desperation.

Contrary to women's perceptions, no man is ever desperate to be with a woman....Obsessed? or Crazed? Maybe.  Like we can't get you out of her head because you make us feel like we're on top of the world when we're around you? Yes. Guilty.  But desperate? That's an emotion we get if when we don't have enough money to pay rent or if our team hasn't won a Championship since 1908 (see Cub fan...they're a fucking desperate bunch) But desperate for a woman?  Never. It doesn't even make sense. Never crossed our mind.

So next time a guy calls too much or leaves flowers on your doorstep or sends that extra text or writes some rambling overly affectionate 30 page email (JK on that one...maybe) don't mistake his crazed desire for lonely desperation. 

Some men aren't afraid to actually listen to their hearts. And one of them may just be the guy that surprises you and steals yours.

Rose asks "Why do guys finger bang?"

We do it for the same reason you give us a hand job. Because we know you're not willing to let us implant our penis in your vajayjay....just yet.   So we need to put something in there...plus we want to feel how wet you already are...or we're desperately  trying to get you wet...to the point where you will eventually ask us to implant our penis...so we keep going until you either, A, can't take it anymore and say 'Oh I want you to fuck me'...or something to that effect or, B, Cum.

It's all about setting you up....although men do enjoy the physical feeling of your pussy and the power that comes with turning you on with our finger(s).

Some women are penetration masturbators while others prefer exterior stimulation. One woman's finger banging pain is another woman's pleasure. And so it goes...

Keep sending your questions that need answering.